心里想说的话

我要求不多

我只想要一点点的自由

我读也读了

我考也考了

认真的时候我也认真了

你要我考好来

我也尽量的去做

难道我就不能做我想要的事

我想学跳舞

不给 我没关系

我想学武术

不给 我也没关系

我要开电脑跟朋友玩也不行吗？

酱我还能做什么？

我到底还有什么不满足你的？

每次玩到一下子

就会叫我马上关

还有一个 ==

他妈的

我玩着玩着竟然给我看 youtube

明知道我们家 wifi 慢

还给我去看东西

啊啊！！

我有点受不叻了

难不成给我一点机会都不行吗？

==

am I?

am I a good friend?

I am wondering for so long...

Everyone expect that I am good and friendly person...

Did I? 

...

am I mature enough?

I was scrolling Facebook news feed as usual.

Suddenly I saw a photo that is,

two guys very matching couple,

and they a lot of sweet things.

At first I was laughing at them,

and I think that they are crazy person.

Yet,

after I saw the comments,

they all were very supportive.

They didn't laugh or insult,

they were just congrats the two couple.

I realize that I am the person that judge someone by their appearance,

without checking detail...

...

am I kind enough?

There was something happen on mid year,

and it happen again on this month.

After notice what she done again,

my mind was like,

I have to make her regret that what she had done.

Why I have this kind of mindset?

Everyone were just keep quite and don't wish to make it big.

Why I want her to fail this time?

( maybe someone will say I am jealous of her =m= )

When someone ask me,

am I hate her?

I don't know how to answer it :<

I don't know am I really hate her,

but impossible I don't want to be friend with her,

by just because of her mistake.

That is impossible.

I am quite confuse ahh...

...

=m= Tomorrow exam some more play hehe...

End of the story :3

Yeah

Yeah baby!
Exam today and it is Sejarah subject.
Lucky I managed to answer all question ^^
So happy ahh,
finally finish my most scare subject.
Yet in other side,
I quite worry some one,
or I worry too much?
Nevermind.
Just 顺其自然 :D

The end :D
Simply post haha

What's now :/

Ahh what's now?

Why many problems keep appear?

When problems can vanish?

Someone can please answer my question...

My brother~

Why you have to cry infront of me?

You know I can't see someone crying...

I remember last time,

when we two are still young.

We always fight for the computer,

and at last you sure win.

Now,

we never argue any more.

How great that is?

You help me to be mature,

because of you,

I am not addicted to computer games.

Yet,

because of me,

I ruined your's life.

You know when I heard my parents say that,

you fail your test again.

I quite sad :(

Why you didn't tell me about it.

Yesterday,

how sad am I looking you.

Your's eye was red,

but you lie to me that nothing happen.

Everyday seem you very late back home,

I though you are playing around,

but you are working 2 job now.

This few day keep worrying about this =m=

Haiz dunno how to spell out the feeling of this sadness.

By the way so long didn't write blog @@

Dunno how to write essay in English already.

haha xDD

=3=

=3=

So long didn't see me in blog huh?

Recently,

I am so lazy to write down what had happen in my life.

However,

I would like to share what had happen on Teacher's Day.

I am so excited :3

Hoping Teacher's Day faster come,

this is because I got present ribbon dance for my teachers ^^

We all practice so hard just for that day.

Hohoho~

The main purpose for joining dance is... xDD

SHOWING OFF!!! -laughing- xDD

Yet, when think back,

nothing can show off.

By the way,

when I feel sad or what,

dance help me a lot.

It make me forget everything.

I love dance but I don't know how to dance.

This is the sad news /.\

On 16th May 2014,

early morning go school with my friend.

Then make up,

my gosh I hate make up,

plus I don't know how to make up.

=3= However,

got a lot of people help me make up,

ok lah not so teruk. xDD

Then practice for last round and put the bag in the room

Then we go hall there.

Feel quite nervous LOL.

We all though everyone will shout, scream and clap loudly,

but sadly,

we felt disappointed.

The song start early,

cut the important part,

and make us confuse in the beginning.

== Moreover,

When I open the ribbon,

my ribbon stuck on the fan.

Stupid stage so low /.\

Mei Lin's ribbon can't open,

then when I swing my ribbon,

stuck again this time is on the light!

Arh!

So disappointed,

but still got people clap lah my friends say.

After dance feel so tired lor.

Rest at the backstage.

Watching them play that ribbon,

fighting each other /.\

After that,

I want to change my cloth,

so we all go back the room.

== Then some teacher say,

" I think some suspicious boys go in the room and take something "

That time I though what o.o

I though the naughty boys just broke in for fun.

Then I go in the room,

I feel something weird.

Something missing,

the bags are missing /.\

That time I shock,

in my mind is,

" OHH NOO MY BAG, I CAN'T LOST MY BAG, MY BAG IS ANTIC, THE ONLY BAG I HAVE "

=3= Damn

After that,

without doubt I go find teacher Chong, our Chinese teacher.

I explain to him what happen then he straight away go the room and check it out.

== Man seriously I hate being prank.

The first time ever my things missing.

Then everyone find their bag up and down.

Then Felicia saw her bag at the canteen,

but the money inside is gone.

Then Mei Lin's near guardhouse there.

This stupid boys very clever.

They slowly put our bag in different places without any traces.

Then mine haven found TT~

My bag TT

Then they all tired already so they rest at canteen.

Felicia and I keep find my bag,

then she saw my bag in the longkang /.\

Ahhh!!! How dare they put my bag in longkang, with dirty water!

My precious bag TT

Shit them!

I feel so powerless /.\

I can't figure out who are they,

who the thief.

== I won't just leave it.

If teacher figure out who were them,

I might lost control /.\

How dare they stole our things,

even though is not important things /.\

I just hate LONG HAND!

*Long hand in BM panjang tangan mean like to steel people's things*

AHH!!! I HATE THAT!

I CURSE THEM!

CURSE THEM WILL LOST THEIR HAND SOON!

I know I am so bad :<

Shit them!!! x2

I feel so sorry also for teacher Chong and some other teacher helping us.

On Teacher's also need to disturb them.

I caused teacher unable to celebrate Teacher's Day.

So sorry T^T

I will pay back with cupcake or caripup xDD

End

  

Hell or Heaven...

 

These few days, ohh not these few days. It had been passed for two week already. I felt I am still having a long dream that hard to be interrupt, can be called too deep. I don't know where, what, how or anything to start my story. It seem so blur to remind it last few days, but I want to write down so that I never forget this most crazy dream.

 

 

 

          On 25th March 2014.

Yeah, it is holiday, and on this day I got an appointment from hospital, as usual. ( I got thyroid so I got appointment lak :3 ) I having that for three years already so my doctor recommend me to try out this radiation medication and it on this day. I felt happy because maybe I might fully cure after that at all, no need medication, appointment, burden o.o and so on lak. I remember I went there so early, but because I am too excited == I had to wait 1 hour, but then finally came xDD I went inside the room and had the radiation medication. Doctor called me to go back home quickly and.......... ( I can't remember here >< )



          On 1th April 2014.
Huuu. What the heck. These was what I said on that day. I saw so many people, patients, doctors, so many sound, so blur, hand pain, headache, someone calling my name... I don't know what had happen, in my mind got a lot of question marks, but I can't speak, after all I blur again.......... ( =m= It on April fool day! Not funny ok! )



          On 3th April 2014.
I woke up. I still felt the headache and everything. I saw my parents they look so worry o.o? Question marks again but this time I can speak finally, I ask what happen? They replied said that I at ICU. LOL that time I though what, I though they are kidding me, so I continue sleep, I felt so sleepy zzz.



          On 5th April 2014.
I do feel something weird, I now fully clear, and it seem like they are not kidding me, I do in hospital LOL. I blur ask them what was the date today they said 5th April 2014. LOL that time I do laugh out loud == Impossible I in hospital for so long haha. So I take my cellphone message my friends to make sure, I know they are kidding me haha. Unfortunately, they gave me so big reaction, I do in hospital! On that time I start believe what situation am I right now ==

 

After that, everyday got needle on my hand, take blood, every hours my hand got pump, boring and many more, but at least the food not so bad I love it specially chicken =3=

 

At first, I don't understand why I will in hospital, doctor also wondering why I will become like that, my bro told maybe because of the medication not suitable for me, my heart pump so fast, pump until my brain blur already. My family told me I do so many silly things that time == and I don't want to write, really SILLY!

 

I feel guilty == because I make everyone worry, waste everyone time, gave everyone burden, everyone said want to met me at hospital but I tried to reject o.o I scare I gave them troubles, ohh I do gave them troubles already, but at last they still came. I felt so touched, almost cried.

 

Since I born I kept though everyone was treating me like shit. Never take me seriously, didn't care about me, fake like hell, but after this I do believe, never doubtful, never feel so unsecure. Sorry my tears dropping, hearts so touched, doctor got say not to too emotion == later getting worst. Huuu I don't want getting worst so now I am going to end, sorry @@ my English not good, a lot of grammar mistake so don't laugh me TT

 

I felt I back from death, just reborn. Lucky my mind choose not to die. == I do mean what I said! Really touched I do cried when I write this.

 

End TT

o(︶︿︶)o

/.\ lol

I realized something now.

There is something wrong with me,

I can't play SDO with my friends,

I can't play nicely if I was playing with my friends.

I will keep miss nor bad,

I can't shine if I am playing with my friends,

I don't know why o.o lol.

Today I was playing with my friend,

guess what ==

I can't concentrate!

Ahhh! Why!

Every time playing with them,

I will get fluster,

my heart will beat fast,

when it beat fast my hands shake,

== I will miss if my hands shake!

Shit ah.

How I am going to win if I join the competition.

 When I was alone,

training myself,

I didn't feel so nervous.

I did pretty good =,=

I shine brightly!

== I always wish,

I will never get nervous playing with my friends,

but at last still the same.

Always lose if I am playing with my friends.

Ah (╯﹏╰)

End...

Everything start over

╮(╯_╰)╭ Haiz

Everything start over...

I joined SDO today,

I want to let go everything.

Every things that remind me,

how pro am I last time,

how well-known am I last time,

how pretty am I last time,

how great am I last time,

how sweet am I last time,

how rich am I last time...

These were all past tense...

It hard to let go,

but everyone had to move on...

I just can't stop thinking last time I how how how...

I just can't let go,

so today I decided to start everything over,

I deleted all of my friends list,

start from zero...

I played few round songs today,

fighting with pro's,

pretty awesome because my skill still have...

Even though is a bit of weak,

but I just can't forget SDO...

SDO this game,

is my first online game...

My best friend told me this game is awesome,

so since that time...

I become smarter,

I know the reality,

I know much thing now...

If she didn't told me about this game,

now maybe I am just a dumb ass,

still a 井底之蛙...

I guess I do like say thanks to you...

I stop SDO for so long last time,

because of exam,

homework,

crazy teacher...

SDO and I getting far apart,

but now I still back to that game,

because some sort things...

My friends and I did a promise last time,

we all having a wishes,

build a guild in that game,

control the guild just like other guild,

become famous in SDO,

being TOP 1 in SDO,

but sooner everyone going to quit SDO,

feel kinda sad.

At first one people say

" I want to quit this guild,

because there is impossible to become famous!

And I am joining other guild that more famous that this "

Then second people say

" I also want to quit because other guild is inviting me

by the way I can feel this guild not going to be famous... "

Then just left two person to control the guild,

but when going to PMR

We two had no other choice so we had to left SDO,

but NOW!

I am trying to make things back!

I do take something I like very seriously,

I won't forget everything I had promise...

This is why I want back to SDO,

to fulfill our PLAN!

I just hope this do happen...

End... (╯3╰)

Idea zzz

I had no idea right now =m=

=m= Hate ahh!...

讨厌啊!

Right now...

I am confuse...

I don't know what I am thinking about...

I don't know whether I do fall in love...

I don't know whether I do like the way he is...

Or I just like the part of him in my imagination...

I think about he was romantic...

I guess maybe these are the answer...

Maybe I just like him as a friend...

Not a lover type...

也许我只是一厢情愿...

I don't want make a fool of myself...

I don't want to be disappointed...

I don't want to feel sad...

I do got feeling maybe he no like me :3

I am sure!

So I don't want to think too much...

== But my damn brain can't stop!

It keep thinking zzz!

Shit ahhh!

I want ask him correctly but I can't...

I nervous o.o!!!

And I

Feel so stupid...

Suddenly ask people " Hey you, do you love me? " ==

Stupid right o.o?

I don't want to be call 自恋...

I know I am not a pretty girl!

So not need you to say...

When I discuss this to my friend...

She say must give myself a chance to be love...

But I am not sure we both suitable or not ==

zzz That guy is different...

I don't know what da heck he thinking about...

By the way ==

Last time I treat him very bad...

I say before " Even though there is no one else I also won't marry him "

@@ One more thing...

I am not a 自恋!

So I write this is just to renew my blog!

Don't think too much!

HE AND I WON'T BE TOGETHER BECAUSE HE NOT LIKE ME!

I am sure for that =3=

End...

Hurray :3

=3= Oh my gosh...

I finally get to know how to make a animation...

Totally suck =3= because you had to take one photo each movement...

This is crazy! When I am doing this...

I am going to become crazy people...

This is because I need to take one photo then edit then take again...

Repeat and repeat... ==

I wondering how other professional animation do their video ==

This is my first time to do an animation...

After done I felt kinda happy LOL...

Because I managed to done my small animation ==

I know it suck because she is just standing...

By the way I am using window XP movie maker o.o

They say using what what Vegas more nice :3

never mind lolol

Eh at least give me some clap lolol~

I done pretty nice xia :D <-- Lie

Hoping I can do more better next time :3

End :3

Water...

Gosh... Today I felt deeply sad for myself...

I were in my hometown, Melaka since yesterday...

In hometown @@ the water was so little...

If want to bath, wash plate or any else very hard,

because there were little drop of water...

Today morning there were no water... OMG...

The first thing I though was OMG NO WATER! HOW TO BATH!

But my grandmother and other said no water again...
Can't cook for we all... No water...

Scare no enough water to give us drink...

Ouch... After they finished the words...

I felt disappointed for myself...

What I though just now...

All just for myself...

I didn't think for the others...

But them think about me...

They scare I no enough water to drink...

Ahh... (╯﹏╰)

Why am I so selfish?

Then I felt so down so I went to sleep...

Don't know what time...

I heard they sad OMG GOT WATER ALREADY!!!

YEAHHHH!!! They seem so happy o.o...

That time I was blur, still no fully wake...

I say got water only mah need so happy?

Then I woke up...

Just now the words I said strike my mind...

How come I will say that o.o

huhu... I guess I am too lucky that my place have water...

So I don't know how importance the water is...

I don't know how to appreciate it....

But they were so unlucky...

Sometime the house no water at all...

They can't even bath or cook...

I am thinking how they live without water?

Maybe I just don't know how to save water...

Maybe I just an useless girl /.\

End...

I realize that...

 

I realize that...

I had changed...

I am not like last time...

So little, so kind, so well-behaved plus a coward...

This time...

I am not little anymore, not kind at all, plus bad-behaved...

I am not like last time so nice...

No talk bad word...

Now no more...

No more old Lee Gui Jia...

Now every words also got bad words ^^

I now will answer back those who want to fight with me...

This the new me...

I don't know how is my new behave o.o

Don't know everyone can accept or not...

Small time I go anywhere people sure will call me HEY NERD!

It is bad bad type people will a lot of people like?

I don't get it... Why those all nice nice people will be called nerd...

Huh? == Don't know what da heck they thinking...

Simply call people nerd...

Why don't you see yourself using mirror

Do you have right to call people nerd?

Who are you -PUI-

Rich people? -Hen-

Rich people got right to say lah?

Eh hello! Those money is yours?

It is you earn it by yourself?

No right! Is your parents right?

Yah! so you can't just say you rich! OK!

You just same as other kids! No money ok!

I don't give a ****!

Just think yourself!

Before say anything THINK WISELY!

What kind of rubbish is this staying on earth...

Wasting the energy sources for those rubbish...

 

End... ==!



Today not my day... :/

Huhu~ Today not my day, worst and terrible day I had go through ever again!

 So sad ahh! Today got exam and it is Biology and History ==

man this 2 stupid subject ever, need to memorize all thing you had learn,

but I don't understand non of it and I didn't do any revision at all,

all in the last minute, lack of time to study back.

Ahhh my gosh! I so scare I will fail you know?

Even though I keep say ahish fail only, who cares,

everyone are not perfect, who born everything perfect...

And my bro also keep say relax just start exam, fail is common...

But my mind keep thinking AHH! I SO SCARE OF FAIL!

I don't want to fail ahh! I just can't calm myself down ==

I also don't know why I am so scare of fail. I guess I do really scare to lose.

I don't want to lose my friends. I always wish I do better than them.

Yesterday everyone was like CHIONG AHHHH!!!

Everyone keep study and don't want to sleep,

and I was so relax, sleep early yesterday...

Today during exam everyone keep answering.

My god == only me that didn't write anything...

Just rewrite the title only... I feel so scare, asking myself

Why I didn't study so hard.

Ops no... Why I should study so hard?

Why don't just sit at house playing games, midnight hang out with friends,

relaxing watching clouds or stars... Why need to study?

Why we had to put stress on our self... I really don't get it...

Who create exam? Who create result? Who create money?

This things make our life so complicated... --

I really wish I can just sit down relax, playing something some days...

No more study, no more lack of sleep, no more suffer ==

o0o Suck those who created this!

 

End ==

 

Tears...

Tears! I hate you so much...! I don't want you keep visits me!...

You this stupid tears! Can you just get lost...! I don't want you here!

Yesterday... Was the worst worst worst day ever...

I hate that day... I hate physic! I can't understand physic at all...

Teacher gave us an exercise paper... One group 4 people... 

But one of the member had changed school... So just left 3 of us...

Then teacher random put the titles inside an paper...

Call every group member to choose the lucky title...

So many questions inside!!! All I finish except one question!

Guess what! I get the question that I dunno how to do!

Teacher want to call us to explain how to do this question!

Got 3 questions so each people one question...

Then other two I know how to explain...

Other people dunno how to explain all questions...

Then they ask me how to get this answer... So I got try explain lah...

But why I am the one who should explain that question that I dunno!!!

I helped you! But what you do to me? You left the most hard question for me...

You this son of the biatch! o0o!

Why should I take that question! Why! You tell me ah!

So then I called my friends to ask the other how to do this question...

Then my friend say answer is like this... But I don't understand why answer B?

Never mind I try to solve it as fast as I can...

Finally I think I know how to do already...

So I have no fierce at all during explaining... After I finish it...

Teacher say what are you doing? == This words shot my heart...

Then she say why you use this way to find the answer?...

Eh hello!!! Before I want to explain I got try to ask you...

But you say " Now cannot ask any question! "

Shit lah! I really really down after that...

When teacher explains and ask student how to do...

Everyone say correctly... == Before that I call my friend ask them...

No one can help me... Why...! Teacher say liao then they say out the answer.!

Why must shot me! That time I really want to run out of the class...

Go the toilet to cry out loud... Want to escape from this class...

Then the tears are going to drop down! I don't want to cry on the class

So I keep tell myself! If want cry wait after school bah! Cry enough enough!

After school I do want go cry but my friend want me to teach her add math...

So I can't cry right now... So I keep withstand my tears...

When I went back house... I can't cry already... My tears don't want come out.

== I hate you lah... When I don't want you but you keep come to me...

When I want you but you no come out! What you want wor!

o0o Suck lah you...! This is why I hate you so much!

End !

I am willing to...

I am willing to... Haiz...

I am willing to let go everything I have...

If you guys think that I am annoying, bad, worst or any else...

Just tell me or you just scold me and tell me what should I do...

I can accept all your enlighten... At least it make me feel more better...

Just please don't act that you guys really don't care I am annoying...

I don't want to be same as one of my school friends...

Even though everyone don't like her...

But we all just act like we don't care at all how is her behavior...

I really don't want ><! I wish you guys hurt me right now...

Rather than I figure out later...

I can straight away vanish from yours life...

Even though we might see each other everyday...

I can just try to make myself invisible in front of you...

I know escape won't solve any problem...

Won't delete your scar that I had made...

Won't reduce your pain in your heart...

But this way is the best for me and for everyone...

At least I won't continue disturb you anymore...

At least you not need to pretend anymore...

At least you won't feel so hurt anymore...

我们也许被注定了... 要认识对方... 要做朋友.. 要在一起...

我们也许被注定了... 要分开... 要做回陌生人...

可能我也许被注定... 会从回在一起... 做回朋友... 做回好友...

缘... 全部都要看缘分...

全已被注定了... 难以改变...

End...

Today diary...

Hehe... Last time my friend tells me before that want to know what had happen on that day, she want all the details... How could I remember lol... I yesterday ate what I also forget already... So today I want write down my diary as point form... :D

#6 morning wake up  #prepare for school  #dad got exam so early go school  #take away nasi lemak  #school bell ring  #went to class  #do homework  #PSK class fun  #cleaning class no teach  #BC class relax  #teacher in class late  #I don't understand BC  #BM relief  #Ho yeah!  #do nothing  #break time  #eat nugget  #MT class best ever  #start interest add-math  #understand teacher teaching  #BIO == no way  #no mood to study BIO  #boring  #after school  #stay back school  #company Kogilawani  #learn add-math  #back home  #eat lunch  #as usual  #take away food  #tired  #sleep 3 hours  #wake up eat dinner  #lucky not take away food  #prepare to tuition  #KIM class  #hate tuition  #but I feel ok  #very fun  #everyone telling jokes  #back home  #eat snack  #play bro's computer  #剑灵  #best game ever  #graphic so high  #look so real  #play awhile my bro calls  #he delete my account  #sad  #he tell me "you go buy own computer"  #boring  #open old computer  #SDO  #so long no play  #my bro angry  #wifi too slow  #argue with him  #beh song  #play random song  #alone  #epic fail  #game over  #go play with other people  #lose  #all hard song  #zhou da xia there  #hurt my hands  #cannot play at all  #give up  #writing blog  #prepare to sleep  #sleep...

== suck diary ever I had write... so confuse haha... but never mind I understand enough ^^

End :3

(╰_╯)# Woi Woi...

不爽咯...

有时看到妳所写的东东...

让我 beh song...

说什么 “ 想避开一切...

很寂寞...

没人关心我...

只有他唯一一个给到妳温暖... "

Woi Woi...

难道我...

不是人吗?

写了这些让我有感觉到...

我根本就不是妳的朋友这样...

我本人什么都没有...

有的就只有朋友与家人...

我天天都很开心的要去学校...

究竟是为了什么...

就是为了想见妳们全部...

天天我都很期待着...

可是每次跟我所想象的不一样...

失望...

可是我都没要求这么多...

我也没要妳们去改...

所以大家不要误会...

我只是想说出我的心里话...

我也不想隐瞒大家...

而且我今天所说的话很伤人心...

所以我现在想珍重的说声对不起...

因为我无法的控制我自己...

每次想到那些话...

想到那些的行为...

就然我很不开心...

邪恶的我就冒出来...

一直的想伤你...

我也感到很自卑...

真的很对不起...

再说一遍免得然妳们误会...

我没有要妳们去改变 OK!

完...