What you gonna do hmph?!
My bad, I sounded like a total jackass there.
Well, I am just being salty today...
I am slightly disappointed...
Why people can't be a little like me for awhile?
Okay wait guys, don't misunderstanding my statement, I don't want everyone to be like me...
What I mean is that, I really hope people can be less selfish for a moment.
I know sometime people have to be selfish to get what they want, what they desire so that happiness can be achieved.
Well, I dunno man...
It is just that I don't feel it that way.
If that thing isn't yours then it is not yours.
I know it hurts so bad but at least only one person that got hurt.
So that it can avoid other people in that situation (sad and hurt moment), you know?
I wanna to tell story of mine...
It will be a long shit story, for my remembrance anyways, you don't have to read if you don't want to...
I dunno what to say about myself but I have a serious bad crush all the time.
During form 1, I was a gamer.
I played SDO all the time, it is a social game where you can play and chat with people.
I spent a lot of my money too in there to buy clothes, so that to make myself beautiful.
Well I totally regret that but it is done...
Then, I 'met' a guy called "CY".
I don't know why I was so crazy about him, I remembered I keep calling his name at school.
All I remember is that he is older than me 4 years old and he likes pink.
We used to chat using SMS, because back then I don't have a phone...
I used my mom's old Nokia button phone to chat with him.
He is nice, I remembered he helped me top up whenever I am out of credit.
However, I was dumb and young that time, I know nothing and I was busy studying.
So I ignored him and in the end he went on cheating with other girls.
Did I feel sad?
I don't remember to be honest...
Next, I got a weird crush on my tuition sir back in Form 4 I guess...
I guess he is older than me 7 years old if not mistaken and his birthday is just the day after my birthday!
But ha, of course I am rational enough for not confessing dafuq!
I didn't even share it to anyone other than one of my friend (yeah you!)
You see, he changed my life.
If it wasn't him, I would have stop my study after SPM, I would have just went to my mom's office and worked till I die.
But he inspired me to study, to look towards to the future.
I studied hard also thanks to him.
He is smart too, even got grey hair lol and a night owl too!
The stupid thing I did is I purposely went to tuition early hoping that he is in the room so I could just see him or casually chat with him (senpai notice me!)
But most of the time, he wasn't there and I was devastating T^T
I even got jealous towards a girl because senpai keep noticing her instead of me :<
I was crazy about him enough to stalk him (yeah I know I am very fucked up bitch but shhh!)
Anyways, I know we will never work out because I couldn't imagine to be with his sisters, which is my teachers as well.
I used those energy as my motivation, to keep me moving forwards!
After that SPM, I rarely see my senpai.
I started to live a normal and bored life.
Until I met a guy, he is very positive and out-going.
He is intelligent too with all sort of history and general knowledge and friendly as well.
We hanged out together most of the time with other friends also of course.
He introduced me with his friends and drive me out too, that is the first I ever sit a guy's car.
That is moment I felt, wow that is awesome!
But then one day I knew that he likes one of my friend.
I wasn't surprise because I knew it all along.
I knew I am just not good enough D:
Of course, I kept his secret for 1 year but he couldn't so in the end the girl knew it and she rejected him...
I was still not that crazy about him yet that time.
Until one day, I felt my heart-beating so hard and couldn't get him off my mind.
I realized that I am fucked up...
We continued doing our outing and hanging out.
I literally wasted a lot of time there.
One day, a girl randomly pop up and thing kinda change...
Well as usual, you got to share what you got right?
So three of us hanging out after that.
But sooner or later, I felt like have became their light-bulb.
In the end, it is over.
I wish them happy, but nope they didn't end up together.
Sadly, things just changed, he and I couldn't be like those good old days...
Still I really hope we could be friend but I assume he chose not to because I will make him remember her...
I couldn't tell the whole story because I dunno who is reading this...
But that is kinda fucked up, my heart hurt so much to the point I loss hope.
I couldn't move on at that moment, I am devastating and I couldn't describe how sad I am that time...
So to deal with that, I went for a jog, I went jogging until I am out of breathe.
I am angry that why it has to be that way, I just couldn't understand.
All I wanted is to wish them happy but in the end he chose to ignore me just because I brought bad memories to him.
I don't mind we are not together, but I am just disappointed...
Recently, I got a new weird crush again...
I think I am going to say I am sorry to someone I know because I have lied about something.
At that moment I don't even think that consider as a legit crush.
It is all just one-sided...
This is fucking weird because this guy is way way older than me but I just fucking go crazy about him.
Well, he already has a girlfriend so yeah...
It is a mixed feeling, I was happy for them but I am also sad, how I wish to be with him.
Weird thing is that he isn't smart looking and he is a chubby fellow.
He is a nerd, like super duper nerd fellow, he is those typical nerdy guy you see on the street.
I just don't get it what in the world I am thinking lol...
Well he is a very determine guy, when he is determine to something, he holds it strong until he succeed.
He is a very hardworking dude, but he doesn't know how to take care of himself.
He just works all day long and never rest, it hurts to see him trying so hard to make things right...
He is a very mystery guy, he likes to keep stuffs to himself.
He seldom share his problems, even though I know he got a lot.
Maybe not my right to listen because I am not his girlfriend.
He is a funny guy for sure, that time having an outing with him and his special guest, he doesn't tell me who is that special guest.
I keep asking him but he made me couldn't sleep till the week thinking who might be it, but I guessed correctly in the end muahah!
He is a very patient guy too, oh gosh you can never know how patient he is!
Because I am very suck at something, I mean suck as in really really suck at it.
But he will guide me patiently and slowly and never raise a voice in front me, although I know he did it in his mind.
I wasted all his night time sleep for nothing but he just continue to guide me!
I am really happy, he just gives off good aura, his laughter is so contagious and he doesn't make me feel bad at all.
Instead he makes me feel more stronger...
Now whenever I am pretty down, all I do is to think about him and it drives me forwards again...
Because if he can do it, means I can do it too...
I think I have way out of topic, because I get too carried away with all of my one-sided crushes :3
Okay summary, what I wanna say is that, you don't have to be devastating because things doesn't go as you have planned.
You can devastating for now but no more, no point anyways...
To deal with that, just convert those feeling and motivate yourself instead!
We all deserve better!
Maybe different people has different perspectives...
But mine would be I don't mind being alone, but as long the person I like is happy, then I would be happy.
I am sorry to those that have faith on me, but sadly I am not on the same boat as yours.
I appreciate it really, I am stupid and stubborn I know.
Whenever I determined to something I just go crazy about it and I tend to ignore the rest...
Call me whatever you want, I will care for a moment but not for long anyways :3
Ciao!
I am sorry
ReplyDelete