To: PMS

I hate you so much because you are driving me crazy right now :<

Fire isn't something you should be playing with...

Well maybe I shouldn't play with the fire if I know I can't hold it.
Hmm today is another confusing night, I couldn't sleep.

I have so many question about myself right now.
Why can I be so naive?
What's going on with me?
What am I doing right now?
What am I thinking right now?
Why thing doesn't go perfectly?
Why is it keep happening to me?

It is kinda frustrating when your heart and your mind are not synchronize with each other...
I am slightly disappointed with myself because of the hardships that I have came across so far.
Not going to tell what kind of hardships I am facing right now and how I behave towards those...
Because it is very embarrassing...
Maybe you have know about it but I will just keep it that way then...

Tonight, I am going to tell myself that...
You should not think too much...
You should just stop thinking nonsense...
You are a grown up fine lady then be like one...
(Well maybe fine lady is a wrong term because I am the worst female species you will ever find)

Still feeling confuse but it is almost dawn, so I shall stop right now...
Tomorrow is the time for me to do something real productive...
See you in awhile, sun~
Ciao~

Ouch headache...

I shouldn't be too emotional yesterday...

My head hurt as fuck for the whole night...

When I lay down, my head is pulsing painfully.

The pain is lesser when I sit up right but I am so tired yesterday night...

Damn, that is pretty painful torture to have so far.

Exhausted but couldn't sleep because of such excruciating headache...

Flipping and shouting for help, but sadly no help was given...

I was awake until the sun rise and I am glad that I head down to the living room...

My bro then asked me to have panadol.

Thanks god there is panadol around...

I personally don't really eat it, but today I learn its usefulness.

I gulped down one tablet but nothing happen lol...

Then luckily two tablets have the removing pain effect, feeling better afterwards...

So I went back to sleep for awhile but being woken up by neighbor's motorcycle sound (darn!)

Well, that's goes my disturbed few hours of sleep...

Still feeling tired, maybe I should just sleep early and prepare for tomorrow which is Wednesday :3

Things have been awkward between that unknown kiddo, but oh well...

Let's just go with the flow~

Shit = =

Tired and confused...

What just happened?

My eyes are really hurt now...

I acted just like a kid back then, a crying baby...

I bet my eyes are going to be swell for tomorrow...

Heart broken...

Hello whoever is it at here...

At this moment, I am feeling so so so sad.

I seldom cry over people that I classified as "friends".

I did but not often...

I cried over sohai lot of time back then but that is because I truly treasure her.

I couldn't loss her...

However what am I doing right now?

I am crying over a person that I don't even know anything about...

Where he lives, how he really looks like and god knows what is his true age!

It is just for almost a week, we spoke to each other and did a lot of shit during the night time.

Why am I feeling so heart broken right now...

I fucked up today pretty bad, I thought he has partners to play with and he doesn't need me.

So I didn't check on him and I went on with another friends of mine.

Then didn't realize he was waiting for me and he was furious that I left him. 

I didn't mean to do that but he wasn't convince...
He is not taking my bullshit it seems...

Well, I guess once glasses are broken never will be same...

I am truly heart broken, what have he done to me...

What is happening to me now?

Why am I crying so hard?
I don't really want to end this new friendship...
I didn't have so much fun, I mean so so much fun since secondary school time...
It is hurting, I am in pain...
At this dark night, I can only feel sadness because of my carelessness...
I made my old mistake again - for opening the door to my heart to someone else...
Ouch...

Relationship? Marriage?

Okay so I have been wondering about these for quite a long time.
People I know, people around the world are having at least one episode of those.
It is what people said 'the ultimate life goal'.
Bahhhhh, does relationship and marriage really the ultimate goal of all?
Funny stuff, why am I so against relationship and marriage then?
I guess all this time I was so detest the idea of R&M is because I am afraid of those idea.
Well maybe not guess, it is I am confirm that I am afraid.
Recently, I played role play game with an online friend of mine.
I realized that even though I know it is only a role play, when the question about relationship and marriage arise.
I couldn't answer it, darn!
It is because if I were to say yes, then I feel like I would be chained to this contract.
Plus, I don't like being chained, I love freedom, I love to do whatever I like!
I am very serious on this, I don't wish to break other people heart in the progress too!
I always hear some stories of my friends whom are having relationships.
They tend to explain about how sometime, something cannot be done in relationship because it will hurt the other person's feeling.
Life isn't perfect anyways, I know that.
But I insist on living the way I expect it to be - perfect.
Unless, I changed my mind in the future, that would be another story~

"Gold chain on the neck is still a chain..."

This is just my opinion about R&M, I am not trying to say those are bad, don't get me wrong...
I am just trying to get all these off my mind for a moment, about feeling scare and shit...
I have seen some pretty fucked up marriage, of course in my very own eyes.
I couldn't afford to be like them and the cycle goes on.
I know out there, there are good marriage and people marrying happily.
I shouldn't focus on the bad one, I know that.
But am I really the lucky one, get the happy marriage chance?
It is just like gambling, I rather not try my luck then.
Should I start to learn how to binary fission soon?
Science joke, can't help it :P
Anyways, just do whatever that makes us happy!
If marriage and relationship is fun and happy, then just go on!
If it is not and you are just a pussy like me, couldn't face the broken heart episode.
Then welcome to join me for binary fission club, just kidding!
Finally, I can get this off...
Ciao!

It is July~

Okay so...
It is July now!
My god what in the world made the time fly so extremely fast!
It is getting more and more faster!
Seriously, things have been well...? Go crazy for the past week.
Just finished 1 week of my semester break, although I have lots of to-do-list to settle.
Then, my lazy ass is not helping much anyways...
I have been busy gaming at night and sleeping at dawn.
This is kinda bad, but oh boy just let me do this for another week!
It is so fun to meet new people around the world and get to know each other through games.
And finally the great sohai finally bought PD2 and joined the heist crew!
However I am in a tough situation as the lobby can fit only maximum of 4 crews.
Can't wait to play with this sohai :P
Of course I want to introduce some of my crazy crews too!
It is almost dawn soon, of course I wanna wish one of my buddy good luck on the final finals!
Then it will be free~
Hurray then can do whatever you want!
Yassssssss!
Okay, ciao amigos~

I have a confession to make D:

Okay, I need to confess my sin that I have just made recently!
Gosh, this is so wrong to begin with D:
Remember the kiddo I mentioned on the previous post?
Yeah that younger than me 6 years old kiddo (fyi he is still not in a legal age yet!)
Then there is a role playing game going on, well he taught me about that.
About how he and his friends playing these text-based role playing games.
So, I thought okay...?
It looks fun plus I like role playing too!
However, it seems that the role play goes from normal role play to NSFW role play!
RIP my heart, I can't hold it anymore >///<
Because I have pretty wild imagination in my mind and hell that is so inappropriate!
I have committed a huge sin for being into those role play with a minor!
NOOOOOOO!
I am so sorry kiddo's parents, I shouldn't play along with him with NSFW details~
But I have a lot of damn laughter with that lol...
This is bad, so bad.
And I started to curious if he really is a minor, maybe he is lying to me from the start!
Dafuq where does he learn all those NSFW shit!?
Bad kid! 
Bad!
Okay done, please forgive me for being a bad role model to a kid! T^T

New online friends

Okay, what's up world~
Today I gonna share about some new online friends that I have met in PD2, there are 3 of them XD
Not gonna lie, I guess I am a bit of hmm excited?

Hmm, maybe not 3 but 4 new online friends...
There is one which stay close to me and he is a doctor it seems...
His name is 'Lol' in PD2, and I always say 'lol' so he keep thinking I was calling him.
But since he is a doctor and he always call himself a potato so I named him Dr Potato!
Then I am so stupid to tell him my full name, because he didn't tell me his when I asked him (he straight used that Dr Potato name to brush me off hmph!)
Well he then seen me (we exchanged phone number), maybe busy or maybe he doesn't like my accompany? 

Next is from Philippines and he is younger than me 6 years old.
Damn, I didn't expect that he is so much younger than I do.
I just realized I am old as fuck now XD
This boy is pretty interesting, such young age but quite mature...
I guess kids from other country indeed are mature at that young age.
He is pretty good at history, totally the opposite of me!
Most importantly, he knew French language pretty well, damn he 'speaks' like a native French people!
Oh lord, I have found a senpai that can teach me more French! 
He introduced me to his country and told some about the history.
I have learned a lot with him really, thanks kiddo!
Such genius at young age!
What am I doing when I was at your age LOL...
That kiddo I met quite a long time ago, not bad even though we have a very bad start.
If not mistaken I gave him pretty bad first impression, because that time I was playing with Mr A.
I literally ignored and left him behind the in-game lobby.
He was pretty mad I guess but luckily we still managed to become buddy :)

Next two are pretty interesting too, well I dunno if they were lying or not...
It seems they were coincidentally same age and same state with me.
That is really something else, I never met someone that close in PD2, let alone with same age and country!
Well, I just get to know these guys recently so all I know is that they are studying at SEGI college.
Creative multimedia, nice course indeed!
I have looked one of them's face, remind me of my teacher Mr M!
Chubby but cute and very Malay's style (in very good way, no racist here!)

Well tomorrow shall know more about them then...?
We will never know if they were telling the truth or not, but oh well just play along with them if they were lying...
I must say that I should be aware of them really, they are strangers anyways!
But somehow my stupid butt just did something unexpected today.
I shared my phone number and Instagram account to them (well, those 2 guys that I just met!)
What have I done, oh my god...
Now that I think of it, I am too excited to a point where I forgot to put up some sense of guard towards strangers D:
Oh well, but I have a lot of fun with them!
Those 3 were so surprised when their first discovery about me being a girl.
'Are you a bro or sis?' then 'girls never play PD2' is what they said to me.
They were not believing me at first and they were keep asking if 'I am a gay?'
Then I just replied them 'nope, I am a les.' (those 2 old-like-me guys lol...)
I did another unexpected stuff today, which is to have voice chat with this kiddo.
He has a very sweet voice, with an accent that I couldn't recognize (kiddo voice)!
I thought it will be awkward talking with someone else.
Hell even in real life, I don't talk much with people!
I get too awkward quick and didn't talk much (unless it is in-text then it will be different story)
However, surprisingly there is no awkwardness while we were having voice chat.
I trust him way too much to a point that I even showed my picture to him (from Instagram, since it is public account)
Because that time I was screen sharing, he wanted to show me something...
And suddenly those 2 guys from SEGI asked my Instagram account, he was curious what is it.
Because I guess their country didn't play much Instagram?
So I showed him what is it and then yeah...
After that, I also did voice chat with those 2 guys to prove my real gender lol...
Well, too much open up sessions happened today...
Hmm this is so out of my comfort zone @@
I should keep it to 3 enough!
This is not so me because I am used to be well aware of all these openness!
Well, it is late now...
Those 2 old-like-me guys were saying the night is still young but in the end went to sleep before me lol...
Anyways ciao everyone and pray for kiddo's house...
Damn his house was flooded while having a chat with me D:
Ciao~

Peaceful morning~

What's up world~
Arhh what a peaceful day after my finals...
Being woken up by my deafening alarm.
Bright sun light that shot through the window to my eyes (Ouch)
Birds that keep chirping god knows what reasons.
Stomach that keep growling but shit I can't have breakfast for 1 hour right after I woke up.
Being welcomed by silence this morning, yeah house is too silent for today.
Everyone was out to somewhere, just like good old days when the house is always empty...
My mom somehow went for job interview after rotting herself for like 1 year plus...
Hmm, I doubt that will change anything about this fucked up house...
Whole family gonna still hate her, she gonna hate herself too.
I have tried to not add on those hates but someone in this house did keep spreading.
Well fuck them all, they can do whatever they like as long as they don't disturb my peacefulness.
And yes after finals, I am able to continue read my Storm series in Wattpad!
Aww, I am so happy that our crazy trips have resumed!
This time, the book gonna bring us all to the Northen of United Kingdom, hurray!
Should go check it out, it is very nice book series indeed :)
Then you shall know why am I so freaky excited with it hahhaha!
Anyways, that's all for this morning short update.
It is peaceful morning, I love to keep it this way LOL!
Ciao~