The game is on!

Oh ma god.
To be honest, I didn't expect time tik tok so fast!
It is freaky end of the August and I have to enter local university on 2 September.
Holy shiet D:
I am so nervous because I have been slacked for like around 4 months?
Watching TV and playing games for the past 4 months without touching any academic related books.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh plus I have to stay at the university's campus for the first semester.
Imagining it makes me scare!!!
How am I going to survive without my husband (my bed)!
Furthermore, I have to share toilet with a bunch of people.
Oh no don't get me wrong, it is just that I don't like sharing = =
Where is the privacy?!
What if there is no freaky TV or Wi-Fi, how?!
Huhu everyone says university life is awesome and fun.
I hope I will feel the same.
But I am also excited for the activities hahah.
I heard there can learn how to ride a horse.
I guess I am going to gain a new hobby?
I want to play as much activities as I can!!!
LOL if only my time allowed me to do so XD
It seems that I am the only Chinese in the class.
Back to old secondary school time, when majority of the students are Muslim.
Slightly scare what if they gang up and avoid me like those Malaysian drama LOL?
I really should reduce my drama dose, think too much.

Anyways, it is a new start.
Things that I want to change are:
I have to be alert, attentive and productive.
I should learn what lecturers and tutors have taught.
I have to work hard and study smart so that I could get scholarship to pay off the debts.
I have to be more confident so that I can score well in public speaking.
LOL I dunno if it will work if I wrote it here but just do it anyways!
To the future me, yes you can do it.
Just believe in yourself.
Be the best!
Ciao~

Rambling

The night is still young.

Argh, I shouldn't have take a nap during the evening.

I never take a nap, I hate nap because headache arise after nap.

However, I still took it just now.

Total regret, stupid me ==

I am damn wide awake now thanks to that.

Outside is freaky windy now.

It is chilly, I love how quiet it is.

So tranquil.

But I hate the fact that the haze is likely coming soon.

I keep smelling hazy smell, I hate that so much.

Suffocating smell.

Plus the weather is really hot for the whole week.

I am sweating.

It makes me doesn't want to do anything at all.

As a heat intolerance person, this is consider torture...

Though there is no rain at my housing area, I know some area did rain the past few days.

Is this housing area is being curse or what?

Because the weather always incongruent with other area.

When other area is raining, my place doesn't rain.

But when other area is sunny day, my place will be having thunderstorm.

Just like how last year, I am fighting through thunderstorm when going to school.

Almost wet my whole uniform while entering the car, but when I left the house to school.

The place is dry as a desert :3

Weird weather.

Anyhow, I just hate hot weather.

I can't stand the heat.

What am I going on with the weather right now, is not like people will care about it anyways.

Okay, what have I been doing recently?

Simple two words: Soul searching.

I have been doing everything and anything to find what will make me happy.

But one thing for sure is that I kinda dislike checking message.

I just don't see the point of checking my message.

What's the point of spending time in front of a screen?

It is so hard to know or guess what's going on with the person on the screen.

You don't know if she/he is really happy or having trouble in life.

You don't know if she/he is telling the truth or faking it.

You just don't know all about that because it is just bloody screen with texts.

Unless you read about how to analyse texts, then it will be perfect.

But no, I am no expert.

I am kinda tired of guessing what is on the other side's mind.

Really prefer to have people in real life, not some kind of texting.

This feel wrong, I feel wrong.

People is evolving but I guess I am not, because I refuse to.

Is it too dumb to have such thought?

I used to be the little one in my family, I have brothers but no older sister.

One day, I acknowledged someone that is older than me a year.

We became classmate.

To be honest, I like having an older sister.

She taught some life lessons or hacks that I didn't know.

Though it should be mother's job but nahhh.

She never give up on anything.

It is weird that most of the class hated her.

Is it because she is older than us?

I never understand them.

Having hatred behind each other back.

I even wonder if they ever hate me behind my back too?

But is not like I care anyways, just curious.

So we spent most of the time study together.

She always cook lunch/dinner for me if I stayed up too late.

I feel bad for having free lunch/dinner.

Even though I tried to pay back, she never accept it.

It is a simply dish she said, but to me it is really delicious, it feels like home.

However, all those only last for a year.

After that, everyone move on to their own path, she too.

I really wish to spend time with her again but thing has changed.

She has someone else with her now, her beloved boyfriend.

I guess I am no longer in the picture now isn't it?

She is so busy with her life, so I said to ring me if she is free.

However, I guess that is the end of it since there is no more message from her anymore.

I saw her last week at the school, I didn't expect she came to school the same as I did.

Such coincidence.

She is close yet still far away.

Feel slightly disappointed that everything might end just like that.

This is why I hate having strong attachment with someone.

It will never end well if both parties no longer together in the same page or there is a third person.

No matter how, it will just end like that.

Okay, speaking of doing everything and anything.

I freaking love watching movies/TV-series.

I never know it is so much fun in it.

Last time, I used all my time with tuition and extracurriculum.

I seldom watch movies/TV-series much, not until recently.

I have tons of time to spend!

I just couldn't get enough of those with Tim Roth's or Benedict Cumberbatch's movie/TV-series.

I will never forget the Kingsman too!

They are just too crazy, it is just an act but still I love it!!!

Currently addicted to Sherlock Holmes season 4, tomorrow I will be finishing the last episode.

I finally understand why Farhana (my ex-classmate) was so freaky excited about Sherlock that time.

Haha I feel her finally XD

However, I just don't understand why they love to cancel those good shows.

All the shows I love mostly cancelled huhu...

Such as 'Lie to me' and 'Deception' and so much more!

Sad...

Just finish Infinity War and damn the ending was like what the fuck, cliff hanger.

I saw a korean drama seems good to watch, called 'A Korean Odyssey'.

Fantasy, romance and a bit mixed up with Sun Wukong's story.

Just watched second episode on TV, seems cool so maybe should try to watch it next.

Other than watching TV-series/movies.

I love freaky cliche 13 years old girl romance story in Wattpad.

Hate to admit it but yes, I damn love it!

Oh gosh, what have I done when I am at 13 years old!

Where is the fun huh?!

Dude, 13 years old of me really doesn't have any fun don't I?

As in cliche, I mean really really cliche.

Just finished a trilogy of Mafia story last few weeks, the first and second book are freaky awesome.

But I am so so so disappointed with the ending huhu.

It feels like the author ended it quickly and the ending has too much gap and missing details.

Well, it is indeed a good trilogy but sadly has a disappointing ending.

But thanks for giving me a wonderful roller coaster ride for the past few months.

Indeed my life is spiced up because of that.

Currently reading a book that is given by my friend named <Far from you> by Tess Sharpe.

It is a thriller and mystery book.

Summary:

....

Nine months. Two weeks. Six days. 

That's how long recovering addict Sophie's been drug-free. Four months ago her best friend Mina died in what everyone believes was a drug deal gone wrong - a deal they think Sophie set up. Only Sophie knows the truth. She and Mina shared a secret, but there was no drug deal. Mina was deliberately murdered.

Forced into rehab for a drug addiction she'd already beaten, Sophie's finally out and on the trail of the killer. But can she track them down before they come for her?

...

This is actually a good book.

Reading half way still trying to know what happen and who is the killer that killed Mina.

But it is hard to continue reading because everyone including Sophie's parents believed that it is hers fault.

Because they thought she want to get drug but the drug deal went wrong, caused Mina's death.

However, Sophie is clean as a whistle.

I hate being in a situation where you are clean but people accused you for something that you never did.

I still want to know who is the killer!

Moreover, I actually did some piano practice too but recently I stopped for a moment.

I downloaded an app to help me with piano basic, maybe it is too hard for me to catch up.

So I leave it awhile, taking some rest.

I stopped my Japanese/French learning for weeks now.

Too hard to catch up, too much to remember.

But I still want to learn it though...
Been trying to figure out what happen to my laptop's battery too.
It is draining freaky fast without doing anything.
Sooner or later might fix it maybe...

Well, I spent most of the time myself, is it even healthy @@?

I am bored at home but I got no where to go too.

Actually even staying up late night is consider unhealthy.

My face is full of pimples now because of weird sleeping habit.
Ouch, it is 5 now and I guess I have been rambling too much.

See you next time!

Ciao~

Sleep journal #1

Woke up on a soft bed.

Strangely, it is so comfortable.

It is the queen-sized bed that I used to sleep back in old house.

I am back to old house.

The sky was dark but my room was illuminate by cyan light.

Soft and calm.

It gives off peaceful and familiar feeling.

Funny...

Having a tough time to sleep in my conscious state and now in a the dream too?

Without thinking, I went out from the room and headed outside of my house.

Everything still look the same!

The indents of the floor that I used to trip over them!

The staircases that full of holes making them hard to walk through...  

The sun was yet to rise so the sky was still freaky dark.

The good old fluorescent light that never light up still being the same.

What the use of that light if it never does it job!

After reminisced all of that, I headed down.

Well, it is not a lucid dream so basically I just follow/watch the whole scene.

Then, I reached to the lowest floor.

I was greeted by a lot of kids that I used to play with when I were young.

We used to play chasing games, throwing balls at each other, jumping through obstacles...

Oh oh! I will never forget about how we got a fallen door, sat on them and slid down from 4th floor to 3rd floor.

I remembered it is damn scary, hurt my hand and my butt that time but it was best thing I ever done!

However, the kids that I used to play were now grown up, they were not kids anymore.

It was weird to see them so still so small and cute.

Plus, isn't now midnight?

Why everyone was still playing here?!

Next, I dunno why but I knocked on someone house.

Wasn't it weird to knock someone's house in the middle of the night?

That house if not mistaken, it was my ex-classmate's house, Afiqah's.

Surprisingly, they opened.

They were sleeping at the living room.

But they were not Afiqah's family.

They were Nabila's, my ex-classmate too.

Weird @@

Somehow, I walked into their house in midnight.

Awkward...

There was a long awkward silent.

I just sat inside their room and chill.

After some time, I faced Nabila and she said something that made me unsettled for awhile...

"Next time don't ever come to me and seek comfort from me."

Then I woke up @@

The timeline is almost the same as in the dream.

The sky outside is dark blue just like in the dream.

It feels like I am in a parallel space for a moment.

I didn't know that I will seek comfort from her though...

But I didn't expect she will say that...

The feeling of being rejected by others really hurt me.

Maybe I deserve it because I used to complain a lot about her last time?

But even though I complain, I will still support her a bit.

Guilt?

What a weird dream.

It feels nostalgic yet confuse @@

Ohh :(

Hello folks~
Well, the result is up.
The result out at 12p.m. but I waited until 12.30p.m. then check, because I was not ready...
First, I searched up the website but the server down...
Then I used some old fashion way which is SMS.
It works every time during the server down.
However, no reply as well.
So I end up searching one my local university website.

MAKLUMAN

SEMAKAN TAWARAN bagi IJAZAH boleh dibuat mulai 02/08/2018 04:00 PM hingga 02/09/2018 11:55 PM

Damn 2 August?
Next local university website!
I typed in my IC number and boom!

Dukacita, permohonan anda tidak berjaya.

Damn I was like dafuq?!
Not even 1 course out of 5?
I literally cried ;_;
Then I almost gave up.
After that, someone called me.
I left my phone at living room but I didn't expect my dad went and picked it up.
Argh! 
It is from Water and I got zero mood in talking with anyone so basically I gave him a halfheartedly response.
He got it and ended the call...
My bad, I really suck at controlling my emotion sometime.
So after that half hours, SMS got something.
"Tahniah, anda berjaya ditawarkan program PG32 di UPM. Layari laman web UA berkaitan untuk surat tawaran."
Okay...?
Quickly searched up what is PG32 :3 
However, I am slightly disappointed for not getting my first choice, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine.
Instead of getting that, I got my 7th choice which is Bachelor of Animal Science...
Well, I totally jinx myself by saying that I will definitely got the 7th choice.
Here I am with an offer of that course :3
Damn, intuition sometime can be a bitch too.
What's now?
Hmm... 
I am kinda clueless about the course I am getting...
First, I was like okay? 
At least got a course right? 
Should be happy!
Parents said hey got an offer, just do your best if you think this is what you want.
However, my dad's family side kinda disapprove of doing animal husbandry course.
No future prospect it seems. 
Still considering until just now...
The more I tried to understand about the course, the more I feel sick about it...
Why you ask?
Here's the reason:
You will be learning how to handle animals such as chickens, cows, goats, pigs and much more.
How you will take care them, make sure their hygiene and their nutrition. 
Okay sound interesting...
You will learn how to milk the cow.
Okay sound fun...
Then one part where you will how to slaughter them for livestock.
OH NO!
I totally missed out this part when I selected this.
You see, the purpose I am choosing Veterinary because I want to save them.
But right now, I am going to learn how to feed them, take care of them.
Let them become fat and juicy.
Lastly slaughter them!?
Because we human eat those to survive.
OH NO!
Sound so sick to me!
I don't think I can do this...
It is not that I am scare of blood or anything else.
The point is where you took care of them and gave them hope that life is great.
Then lastly scarified them?!
No this is wrong in many ways.
After eating chickens and lambs for like 20 years, I just realized how cruel is it?
Shame on me!
I am slightly headache @@
What should I do next?!
I am slightly panic but not much yet!
Dude, I am trying hard to find out all the details about Animal Science in UPM :3
Damn, they never update the details.
What's now?!
Two choices:
First, I accept the offer, finish this course and see if I can switch my major in Master.
Or to wait for another year and reapply for Veterinary Medicine.
But that I will waste damn hell lot of time and what if I am not capable of doing Medicine?
This is a lot to think...
Oh boi, il mio futuro.

Waiting...

Argh!?

The result is supposed to come out today and now it is postponed to tomorrow.

Seriously?!

Damn, if you guys know that it is impossible to finish on today then you shouldn't have put the due date today.

Just like how you guys postponed the release date of my interview!

Left 4 days for me to prepare my interview.

Such a pain in the ass D:

Giving people false hope, is that really fun to do?

Geez!

I am freaky excited to see what I can get and move on to a new target, a new life goal.

Then what? I have to wait for another day?

Shake my head!

I am lifeless to the fullest now and I have to lifeless for another 15 hours?!

RIP...

Sleepless night

Salut all night owls~

Here I am again~

Seeking a place to rant rather than sleeping.

Before coming to blog I am singing songs despite how bad my voice is lol.

Well... Hmm actually there isn't any story to tell.

Nothing special has happen recently.

What a bummer (touchwood!)

It just happens that tonight I couldn't sleep @@

I fell asleep with my earphones on for the past two days which is a miracle! (all thanks to asmr >///<)

It feels great but sadly I couldn't recall any dream...

Hopefully later night get to dream nice and sweet dream :)

However, I feel like something is missing.

I have been thinking...

Almost 25% of my life is over.

What have I done?

Studied to the max to score UPSR, PMR, SPM and recently STPM. 

Went to tuition during the free time as a protection or guarantee to score perfectly.

Met a lot of people during my way up to now...

All kind of people that exist in this place, Earth.

The good ones, the bad ones, the odd ones, the crazy ones, the mean ones and last but not least the worst ones...

Oh, don't forget about the dramas that directly or indirect involved.

Right now, I am waiting for my application to further my studies in university.

It will come out on Monday, yes upcoming Monday.

I don't know which universities and courses I will get...

Nervous? 

Hell yeah...

With my pointer, I am not confident whether I can get one or not because all the universities I picked are mainstream.

But all I can do is go with the flow.

To the future me, if things go smoothly then congrats and you shall work smart!

But if not, just find another way round and move on.

Maybe the alternative is better than the original plans!

To be honest, I feel like I have been wasting time.

Government university application really takes up a lot of precious time.

Is it bad? 

Half is the answer.

Bad is where I waste a lot of time and I might get too old when I finished everything.

Good is where I can have a lot of time for myself, to do whatever stuffs that I have missed.

But of course, financial is another factor :3

I know I have said this tons of time, but if only all the stuffs are price tag-less.

It will be a blast!

I want to play a lot of challenging adventurous places, but sadly those are expensive af.

I still have another month to spend.

I have spent a lot of time watching YouTube and TV.

I played with my friend sometime but the network is killing the mood, urgh…

Oh I also did some crazy walk trip plans, I walked very far endlessly until my legs hurt.

I just walk wherever at somewhere, this is when I let my brain does it all.

It is dangerous indeed but ha it is very calming. 

I also went out to eat with friends too!

Food is life!!!

But I am getting lazy in learning foreign languages @@ (stucked and neglected)

I am very worry about my capability in surviving through the university life though...

Since it is totally different from the past few years in schools.

I really need to brush something up...

Since I watched so much of dramas.

I does feel the need of spices in my life.

Spices such as having intimate relationship with someone you love.

My thoughts?

I always thought I don't needt in a relationship.

I guess it is pointless, I never understand what is all love about (maybe in the future?)

I have seen a lot of relationship that end up falling.

I guess best example will be our parents (for most of the people)

I can survive by just me, myself.

But haha I will still get envy sometime.

Hey who doesn't if all of your friends have experienced it!

The romance K-Drama I watched recently in TV.

Gosh, it is too fantasy, sweet and romantic.

Who doesn't want it anyways!?

Okay, at least I am still human D:

I was started to worry if I am asexual but nahh.

It will be awesome to have someone in mind, that can make you go crazy about, make your heart goes chaos <3

Huhu but only those fictional characters that can make me go crazy T^T...

Oh just like the characters from the Kingsman!

Just finish watching both chapters!

My god, I couldn't screaming how handsome they are!

Guys in suits, my weakness >///<

I guess I set my expectation too high up...

I don't even think I deserve having such person.

Me, face with pimples and dislike makeup.

Well, it is not that I don't know how to make myself look better.

It is just that I just want to be original and comfortable @@

Why spent hella moneys and hours on something like that?!

People always says makeup is a form of politeness.

I respect that but personally, I really don't understand why put up on some mask...

Some people makeup and become totally 2 different people.

That is really scary...

Isn't that can be called deception?

But it is just my opinion, that can be many other reason why makeup is important.

Heck maybe in the future I will makeup as well.

Hell, I wish not because it will really hurt self-esteem whenever you take off you mask/makeup.

My lord, look where I rant to!?

From nothing to tell then boom, whole essay coming out.

All sort of random thoughts, tsk tsk tsk…

Geez, tomorrow I still have to wake up early and wait for the phone call from hardware tech support -_-

I shall stop now!

But upcoming Monday, I must reschedule my time!

No more slacking, this time for sure!

Really need to get in shape and all-rounded!

See you soon next time!

Ciao~

Adesso basta

Enough is enough.
You know what?
Deep down my subconscious, I just want to say... Fuck!
I want to yell!
I want to scream!
Or worst I want to smack someone hard, like really really hard!
I always visual myself hitting someone as bad as I could just to relieve myself.
Don't ask me why, I don't know much myself either.
I am really not in a mood!
I am in denial!
I just hate myself in such condition.
I hate that I couldn't sleep every night.
I am so mentally fatigue but hell wouldn't allow me to sleep in peace!
I couldn't sleep just like my other family members.
Too much thoughts, too much of brain activities that I wished I could just press a button so that it will be shut down.
Fuck!
Even if I managed to sleep, I will end up in nightmares.
All tooth that fell off my mouth and being in a zombie apocalypse.
No, it is not because I played too much of Left 4 Dead 2.
I only played it few times with my friend and her bf and bf's friend.
I have dreamt it for like passed few months before I even have that game.
Yes, I couldn't sleep well for a long time now.
Double yes, it is frustrating me!
It is funny that I even have the continuous dreaming about zombie apocalypse.
Yesterday, I scolded someone in my dream.
"It is because of you guys' carelessness, you all let those zombies back in our base again!"  
The word 'again' like I have non-stop killing those zombies.
I am hella scare that I might get bitten in the dream, but I haven't encounter one yet.
I even searched up what those dreams are telling me.
Well it is just some insecure and some life changing shit.
What my subconscious trying to hint me?
Now, I am back to my depressive episode again.
Hiding myself from everything.
I spent my whole damn day reading.
I let myself dipped into the world of the books I am reading.
Non-fiction or fiction will all do the tricks. 
A popular comfort-zone I have now.
Leaving all the messages unseen.
To be honest, I know everyone hates that.
Yet, I am still doing it.
I did say I will change it. 
But no, I failed to do so.
Why you ask?
I don't fucking know!
I don't even know what is wrong with me!
I am lost!
I am fucking piece of a potato!
It is funny, this depressive episode just came out of nowhere.
I was still sane before that, I guess 'sane' is a bit wrong choice of word.
I guess 'in elated episode' is a better replacement.
I went to a movie with my tuition friend or maybe what he claimed himself as 'trial bf' just few days ago.
And yes I really enjoy so much during the movie, Ant-man this time really hit the top with their plot.
And yes, we went to some shop to check on my router because it seems like I really need to change it.
He did a lot of help by asking those people in the shop for me.
Which I personally detest to do it myself because I hate asking.
I even hyped before the night and will inform my friend about what will going on that day.
Yet the next morning, I just lost it.
All seems dull to me.
I lost my drive.
I am back to the pathetic self.
I started to ignore all the messages.
I don't know man...
I keep trying to find excuses.
I always blame on the health condition I am in.
I blame on it that caused me into such up and down episodes.
I always blame on the increase dose of Levothyroxine Sodium which directly increase the side effects of those drug. 
Fuck the side effects, I am going to be bald soon if it doesn't stop.
Sometime I even doubt that whether the doctors knew what they are doing.
After so long, so many years.
It seems like this disease getting worst with all those treatments. 
I never sign up for all these.
Or did I?
Oh me in the past-life, did you sign something like this to pay off your sins?
No, I never believe that but somehow it kinda make a bit sense.
Well, I know everything happens for a reason.
But what?
I can't stop complaining!
What should I do now...  
I thought I have gotten over it.
I even set a lot of inspiring quote backgrounds for my new laptop desktop.
Trying to remind myself to stop all these bullshitting.
Like hell it will work for me.
I don't know what now...
Maybe I already know the answer of it but I just let my negative emotions get the best of me?
No maybe I don't even want to change.
Is this what my mind telling me?
Damn, you know how hard I am trying to understand what myself want.
I always do a lot of research on topic of mind.
I downloaded the well-known Paul Ekman's book to just understand my own emotions.
I even bought books about how to understand myself through body language or non-verbal communication. 
I understand when I am stress, I will constantly self preening.
I know all that but I just don't get the purpose of it.
What am I depress about.
Why am I making myself so complicated...
When I depress I will end up going for a jog every evening.
However, I don't understand what is wrong with the weather these days.
Are you guys trying to make fun of me now?
Always rain during evening, rain during when I want to get the peace of mind.
I am a person that go full blow exercising when I am fucking depress.
I got this habit back in form 6.
I have a crush, oh correction: my heart have a crush but not my mind.
I am surely sure that, him and I will never work from the start even though my heart thinks otherwise.
Lastly, it ended up bad.
I realized that something, a pathetic yet cruel truth.
It is that, if you don't have fucking nice arse or boobs, you are fucking out of the games.
Yes, I concluded it after so many guys confessed to me about that.
I just don't understand sometime, I get a lot of guys confessed to me that they have crush on someone.
It is funny because I always get to know, they just tell me about that.
Maybe to them, I am a bro and never a woman to them.
When I asked them what do you like about her.
Many will say she is pretty. 
A few will say she is kind/sweet.
And mostly will say oh man she has a nice arse and body shape, dayum!
Maybe they are joking to me, maybe I am wrong about men, well I hope I am wrong.
If you are a man and found this offended.
It is either you are not that kind person or you are.
You yourself know.
I am just spitting all the opinions.
So when depress, this saddening truth will emerge and it will remind me.
I must get fit, hell I don't want to lose to anyone.
Hah, I complained so much in here.
Maybe I am the one that have problems.
I am blabbering now...
It is 3.30a.m now and I am still being a night owl writing out my random thoughts.
People always say family is the best.
Every time people says that, I cringe.
Even sometimes I say it myself, I cringe too.
Damn, I don't get it.
Maybe I shouldn't complain about it because some people might be worsen than me.
Same goes to the sickness, I should be grateful that I am alive.
But sometime I just cannot stop the anger in me that what a parents I have.
So disappointing in them, so disgust on them but couldn't hate them because they did good things as well.
At least I am not sleeping under the bridge or eat sand for lunch or dinner.
But one thing for sure, I hardly miss them when I am out for so long without seeing them.
I went out alone, I went to Melaka for few days without them.
I feel great.
Although I am alone but no I don't miss them...
You know how angry am I to see no lunch when it is suppose lunch time?
Yes, luckily today I bought some ingredients before heading home after appointment.
It is not like you got work or duty to do.
All you do is laying on bed, playing your fucking phone yet you don't even know how to function it.
God dammit, spent all the time with phone and facebook.
The worst is that all you think is about yourself.
When things got ugly, all you will say is 'just let me die or something'.
Fuck, stop the fucking die shit.
I am tired of the dying craps of yours.
You never once try to help yourself even though how many times we tried to talk to you.
Your stubborn that ruined you.
Damn, you never know how hurt we are when you pull those string on us.
Fuck you, really.
Deep inside me, I am done with it.
It is 4 a.m. now.
Jeez, sooner or later my dad will be up and he will be snapped if he found me awake...
I still got a lot of bullshit to write.
This is me.
Yes, I swear a lot especially in my mind.
Well, I guess not all will be accustomed who am I really... @@
Since I always act nice or I can say fake nice?
It is not a proud thing to say but I am being a hypocrite all the time.
At least that is one thing I know about myself.
If someone could read mind, I will be damned.
This post is so so long.
I don't even know if I should put it out.
I always write a lot of negative stuffs but ended up in draft.
Haha because I don't wish to spoil my own image?
Oh great, I feel slightly tired now...
I don't even bother to check on grammar now :<
Damn, proofreading old habit!
So I guess this is it, I should stop before getting slit throat by my dad...
Ciao~

Dopamine

Where are all the dopamines when I really need it?