Anything different?

Yo world!
Do you guys see anything different when you guys enter here just now?
Yes yes? 
No no?
Okay haha I know it is nothing special, pardon me for being childish.
It is just a preloading page that I copied from a website :P Click here to go to where I get this preloading page 
I am really happy being able to change my theme, even though it is just copy and paste code in html part haha!
It is so fun to mess with the html code.
But I know that preloading page can be troublesome.
Let me know if you hate it, I will remove it asap!

To be honest, I didn't know that all websites are typed in code, it is just recently I knew about it.
(There is no too late to learn anything, right?!)
You see, the old me is a stubborn person, I used to hate learning new stuffs especially the things that I don't know about.
Why? I guess maybe because I don't want to admit that I am suck at it?
(My ego level is beyond infinity level -face palm-)
However, I like the new me now - the inquisitive one!

Yet, I am still suck at it, I just know how to copy and paste :P
But I want to learn more and to make my own webpage.
Thanks to my mom, I helped her copy and paste code for her job last time.
Then I get to know what is html all about.
Last time I thought we just add the html code in the layout (blogger) then music/clock comes out just like in my blog.
But then I didn't know by writing this, there are also html behind it @@

There is a senpai in my office that know much about html, let me introduce you the Mr A the IT guy!
I like him so much, he is nice, a very responsible person.
He printed out a bunch of notes and quizes for a non-related worker like me, of course not just me still got others.
I hope to learn more about it from him within this last month!
Thanks ya, I will try hard to master it and not gonna let you down!
Lastly, the things I like about him is that he plays games like a pro too!
In office and in game, two different fellow haha!
(lol if he found out I talked so much about him, I will jump off the cliff and die of embarrassment) 

That's all for today!
I will try to post as much as I can about what's going in my life.
To write down and to live a life where I will always remember.
Hope you guys have a wonderful life as well!
Ciao!

I tried so hard

Why try so hard to hold on something that isn't yours?
Why try so hard to keep up with someone that doesn't look upon you?
Why try so hard to keep on looking backwards which there is no turning back anyways?
Why try so hard to wake up every single day but keep doing the same thing over and over again?
Why try so hard to be perfect, to impress and to get attention from other people but actually there isn't one? 
Why try so hard to find happiness when there is no such thing that can make you happy?
Why try so hard to find the truth when lies always be there with you?
Why try so hard to keep your sanity when the life you live on always fuck you up?

Confuse and lost as always...

Today story of my life #13

Hello world!
It is another story of my life.
Apparently, there is nothing special happened today, I just wanna write something here.
-something- 
Ahem, okay no more joke.
Let's get into business, but I want to tell you that it will be super boring like those in the previous posts, as usual.
Another deep thought about myself again XD
Bear with me haha! 

It is been few days!
I worked non-stop for few bloody days!
Drafting, proofreading, observing, looking for drama in office and so much more!
I am tired!
Physically and mentally!
I know same old words over and over again :3
However, I feel extremely great after working for so long.
It refrains me from thinking too much.
Before the work loads came, I spent too much time flash back old stuffs - good and bad.
There is one thing that I am sure about myself throughout this past depressing weeks.
I hate to admit that it is I am afraid of losing someone I love.
-cough-
I always thought I can be with myself and never depend on someone.
I always thought I am an independent person.
The person who will always holds "who need anyone anyways!" principle. 
-cough hypocrite-
I can't believe I am so scare to the extent which I can go crazy for few weeks.
Why and what happen if you ever wondered?
To cut to the chase, I have been smelling rotten smell on someone.
Someone that I hate so much due to certain things but I can't lose him too.
At first, I thought maybe I am wrong about it, maybe it is because he doesn't bath or anything, yes?
But the smell of rotten meat getting stronger every time I am near to that fellow.
Plus that fellow got some health issue too...
Right at that moment, I am so scare that that fellow's time is close to the end.
Maybe he will just vanish, gone into thin air just like the others.
I don't think I can't handle that. 
I told my feeling to my bro because it is so urgent but I regretted as usual.
He is just like others people, always shrugging me off and pretending that nothing happen.
But I can't blame him too, he himself got problems that I can't relate and handle.
The feeling that I always want to escape from and trying to run away - feeling of losing someone...
This is why I always trying to distant myself if I got too carried away with anyone.
Well, it fails once and I learned my mistake and I won't make mistake twice. 
Am I being selfish?
By being nice to someone, gaining people's trust and then turn their back on?
Well I didn't that do at first, it is until somebody took away my faith.
All thanks to silly me that letting my guard off to the wrong person.
Yes or no for that question, doesn't matter to me anymore.
It depends on how you perceive me anyway, I have no right to judge either. 
Somehow that is what life is isn't?  
Life always reminds me that:
People comes and goes.
People doesn't stop and waits for you.
You are just nobody to start with and end with the same nobody. 
Heck, I am going to get through this by hypnotizing myself again just like how I did for the past time. 
Tsk, the more you know about me, the more you will see how fuck up I am.
I am just a self-centered fellow :3
I am just like those characters in typical tv drama.
Unfortunately, I am not the main character that all good and mighty.
Yet, I am always be those side characters that full of jealousy and hatred in me.
That depicted how am I in person. 
Well, it is not like there will someone read all through here, right @@?
If you are still reading it, kudos to you seriously...
I love you.
Seriously, I mean that.
 
Well, other than all about being sad, depress, deep and bla bla bla!
-trying to change topic to avert awkwardness-
Oh boy, you will never understand how much I love OT. 
I love OT so much!
After office time, the office is so empty and less stress.
It is so damn chill and peaceful compared to office hours.
Of course there is another reason why I love staying back haha but I guess you can guess it!
Too bad I can't stay later than 6pm because the way back from office is dark and dangerous...
Tch, my mom always ditch me after 5pm which is why I can't stay long.
By the way, I can't believe I have been working for almost half a year.
I mean almost, my contract is going to end next month.
It is kinda sad because I am going to leave and continuing my studies.
I don't even know where I am going to study in the future, still waiting for the result.
But some part of me really wish to stay and continue working there.
I learned quite some skills in there, I really wish I could have more time, learn more and contribute to help the office.
That office has the same age as my brother haha, from young till now I see and play in that office.
So much memories.
Haha, it is true that my friend and my teacher once told me that I should not work more than 4 months.
This is because you gonna lost your interest to future study and continue working. 
Well I am going to proof to you guys that I am not!
I am gonna fucking study and work my way to my future ( if I have )
Oh lord, I don't even know what the future have for me to deal with.
I might pray for all of you to do whatever that makes you happy too!
Let's fight together!
Roar!!!
Okay, I know that's unnecessary haha... 
Ciao!

Dream

“What is the purpose of my life, is it doesn't have to do with learning to let go?” - Jack Johnson

Dream is what most of the people have in them.
However, sadly not all dream come true just the way we want.
Even though with all kind of efforts and determinations, dream is still a dream for some people.
Does that mean that we need to learn to let go something we truly want?
Isn't that unfair?
I wonder... Is life even fair from the start?

...

I came across people telling me that the job they are having right now aren't what they first dreamed of.
Mr A the IT guy, I mentioned before remember right?
He told me that before becoming an IT guy, he actually wanted to learn graphic design.
Maybe because during applications, he and his parents messed up, they thought IT and that are the same?
I am quite surprise to find out that he likes graphic design.
My brother doesn't feel happy to become a graphic designer.
As far as I know, many people aren't respect those graphic designer...
They thought drawing is an easy job, everyone can draw is what they think so they could just look down on them.
Drawing needs ideas, passions, supports, respects and much more in order to do accomplish their tasks well splendidly.
We really need to show some respect to graphic designer!
I can see Mr A the IT guy really interested in those, but he got stuck into this IT business in the office.
Busy all day and night due to unorganized system in the office.
Good thing is that he still manage to learn all Photoshop/Illustration by himself.
I admire his spirit.
I shall hope he is happy with his current job.

Second person that I want to talk about is F-san from the office too, the one mixed Malay and Japanese.
Well this guy, at first I am not fond of him because of the rumors about him being a lazy fellow.
You can see my post <Observation>, I regretted talking so much bad stuff about him last time.
My first impression of him is no so good.
Worst is I can't believe I hated boss so much in the beginning too, I need to retract that statement!!!
Sorry boss!!! 
I really should never judge people by their covers and of course rumors too.
Thanks so much boss for letting me go for lunch with the customers and get to eat nice western food!
I truly never expect boss to be easy-going type haha...
Gomen'nasai M-san(boss) and F-san!
By having lunch with F-san, I am able to know little about him.
F-san as a business/salesman, but he actually wants to involve himself with astronomy stuff.
I kinda knew he will say that, I dunno why but my intuition told me that.
Oh boi, when he starts with those galaxy talks, I can see his eyes beaming like a kid.
He explained about outer space, told me about how he saw Jupiter when using his friend high-modern telescope.
He knows a lot of stuff but why doesn't he go for his dream?
I am so curious because he is so into those stars stuff but why end up in this office?
I don't dare to ask, scare it it is something he doesn't want to share @@? 
I will just hope the best to him anyway.

...

I really want to know more about people around me and what actually they have been through.
I bet some people want to tell their story too but can't find anyone to share with.
I wish to be that person but sometime I can't promise to keep it a secret ==
I am so bad I know it TT because sometime I can't handle the thoughts so I write it here.
Of course I make it anonymous so no one will know anyway haha! 
Through listening I really can see so many different story from different people.
With this I started to ponder more things about life.
How intriguing life is.
Unfair, cruel yet it is still fun to explore.
In my perspective it is truly sad that what you really wish to be VS reality, is just like day and night - a different story.
I really wish they could just be what they want to be and be happy too!
Anyway, all the best for everyone, of course to you readers and last but not least myself haha!
Definitely cannot forget myself, I am totally a self-centered fellow for sure #confirm!
Well! It is late right now and got to go work tomorrow.
Ciao!

Tired

I AM MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY TIRED BUT I CAN'T SLEEP!
HELP~

P/S: I am just wasting my time here in blogger, trying to get some attentions. Will there any people here? Please notice me senpai~

(I am going to go crazy if this continues D: rational cell where are you?) 

Today story of my life #12

Hello!
Today... Oh yeah I mean yesterday, I have so much fun!
(Since it is 1.40a.m. now)
I just reached home after outing with crazy fellows, it is TGIF!
Right after work, I quickly went home and prepared myself.
I waited and waited their butts to come but I got ready too early, around 6.30pm I am done prepared and waited for them.
Tic tok... tic tok...
While waiting, I played my otome game, just yesterday I downloaded back to play~
So fast 7.30pm and they are on the way to my house.
Well I thought they will come and sit at my house awhile but too bad my neighbour parked his car at my house, no parking so I quickly dashed out into that fellow's car, the kidnapper's car.
You should hear when she called that time, how scary XD
Three of us headed to SetiaWalk, which I used to go there to study with my classmate at the chocolate cafe.
The place there is pretty nice and calm during the day, the night is more beautiful and lively, full of people...
We walked around to see got what food to eat and turned out we entered a western restaurant, the atmosphere is kinda cool and classic.
I ordered a Vietnamese chicken rice and holy guacamole it is a lot, I should've just order side or dessert.
I can't eat much nowadays, I dunno if this is normal or abnormal...
I have been struggling to finish all the food, pardon me for eating too slow haha!
Who called them to serve mine the last.
Next time if get to go there again, I shall try the spaghetti since one of the fellows said it is nice to eat.
We talked about our primary school for awhile, especially about the teachers.
I still think they are all crazy teachers, sorry to be rude but it is the truth and I am done with them...
Well sometime I do talk about them to express how I hate them, oh gosh this is so bad D:
After that, we went to second fellow's house and I really don't like their security system, too troublesome :3
You know what we did there?
We gambled and this is the first time ever I gamble...
My house never gamble, we did play poker but we play for fun and play without following the rules too.
This is the first time and sadly I lost RM6.
Tch, I thought I will win since I always win in this kind of game card.
Well, good bye my money, bye~
Yet, it was still fun haha.
If got 2 same card = win
If got 21 = win
If got King/Queen/Jack with an ace = win
Cool stuff learned today!
But sad case for one fellow who lost the most lol, I stole her luck :P
Every time she plays with me she will lose badly haha.
After finish gambling, we started to have some deep talk.
Actually I feel bad somehow after listening to second fellow's stories, I just realized how bad I know about her even though we knew each other for like more than 10 years.
I don't even know anything about her.
I always think of her being big boss, cool, confident fellow and last but not least like to thousand of hand people.
Then I just found out that actually she is not what I think she is...
So far right now after her stories, all I know about her is that she is rational, she knows what she wanted but she is a bit introvert, she scares the feeling of awkward, that's why she is not the outgoing type of people, she told us that she can't fit in and people sometime think of her as double faced person.
According to her stories, she doesn't have serious family issues like others did, I was glad for her.
But I just knew that she hardly have friends to always hang out and oh yeah I still think some of her friends are kinda shit @@
Somehow can relate a bit about no contacting with primary school friends, but I still think a few of close friends are enough to make my day happier.
I can say proudly that I got many friends, but the one that truly contact and meet up with me are just a few, one or two maybe...
Some of my friends, they treat you like a spare tire, only find you when there is no one else to find...
Some more worst, totally ignore you.
It is true that everyone makes blank promises, I do the same thing too.
But if I truly treasure the friendship then I will still find ways to get to you unless you don't want to involve yourself with me then fine.
One thing that I am so wrong about is that I always thought she is too high level.
I am just low level people, that's why I seldom initiate talking with her...
Now I know slightly about her, if can, I wish to understand her more.
It kinda sad when she talked about friends were all wrong about her, even I am wrong about her.
Oh damn, I can't sleep now! It is 2.50am and I am still emotionally thinking about this.
Contantly feeling the guilt, I feel so damn bad for being such a noob friend.
Someone please slap me~

Longing...

Oh hello guys!
I know, I know, the same good, old and boring opening.
What else can I do huh other than just say hello? :P

Today was unusually free, I am surprised that I got no job to do for the whole 8 hours.
I thought I will be busy than last time because I have taken a lot of days off for more than a week.
However, there is no job on my table.
Somehow I feel anxious and uneasy, everyone was busy except for me.
Oh yeah, there is a new colleague came during my leave and she is Miss R and she is a proofreader too.
That made more sense on why I got no job for awhile...
I guess she is half mixed Chinese and Indian because while I was teaching her on what a QA does and I accidentally heard she spoke in Chinese.
I am impressed, everyone in office is able to speak Chinese although they are not a Chinese.
So what did I do for the entire jobless day?
Technically, I was staring in front of computer for the whole 8 hours and did nothing. 
What for real?! Nahh just kidding...
I checked on my social media and as usual with all the messages were last sent by me so nothing can be done.
So, I was in Quora for the whole morning, time flies until I didn't even realized it was lunch time...
Quora is bad news, bad for me!
I quit that last time also because it will make my mind spin very fast and I will become more crazy lastly it stressed me out because there are too much questions going on in my mind.
Sometime I feel even more depress as I know nuts!
For instant, I don't even know who is the first person to step on the moon.
(In case you also dunno who is it, it is Neil Armstrong)  
When there is first person, there must be second too!
Same I don't even know who that second fellow is, well it is Buzz Aldrin.
After so many years, only today I know who are them.
Disgrace D:
Furthermore, do you even know that there is third person in the same unit but sadly he didn't land on moon so not much of people know about him, he is Michael Collins.
Moreover, actually they were not the first unit(Apollo 11) to the moon, there were others unit which went to moon but didn't step foot on it and went back to Earth.
Oh boy, pardon me for writing out of control!
There are also other stuffs that I am trying so hard to understand even though few hours of researching still I can't comprehend.
For example, Linux operating system, bitcoins, C language, C++ language and I also dunno about Hitler stuff...
I am suck at all these facts, the world is changing at a very fast pace, I feel like I am still standing on the same spot and make zero progress...

Oh yeah, I also got my result from the BMAT course that I have taken earlier of this month and I am not surprise with the result.
It was below average just as I thought.
Feeling sad? No, but I feel disappointed because I am not what people thought I am...
I am not as bright as what many people think of me...
Well, the story doesn't end here right?
Other than disappointing, there is a feeling of longing in me that I wish to get over it as soon as possible...
I feel something is still not right, something is missing here but I am unsure what is it...
Or maybe this is the effects of indulging too much of drama?
Just now, I read back the first manga I ever read entitled <The World God Only Knows>.
It is about a bunch of girls like one guy, fantasy and mystery type of manga, worth to read til the end, the ending is superb and it blow my mind away!
I know, for those who know me, I am crazy on this manga.
It never fail to disappoint me even thought I have read it many time, it always gets me right to the heart.
Not to mention that the MC is super hot and charming, not in appearance but his actions XD.
But that is not the point here, the point is this type of manga always gives hopes and purposes.
-Hopes that you will have a wonderful ending.
-Your existent in this world must have certain purposes that you need to discover yourself.
I dunno if you understand what I mean, well if you don't it is okay since I don't understand myself either.
There are many reasons why I am feeling such:
Maybe because I am not getting the ending that I wanted so badly.
Maybe reading too much of fantasy is not good because sometime it is just a false hope.
Maybe I am into too much of drama -_-
There are too many maybe(s) and maybe none of them is real and I am not real and so you are.
Oh gosh please, I should stop all these nonsense.
This is why you should not read too much and think too much!!!
Well actually this is not even half of my thoughts, there are more and it keeps on going and going in my brain.
I got no choice but to write it down since articles said writing thoughts in somewhere can temporary put them in safe place so that your mind don't have to be forced to remember everything... 

Oh yeah, last Thursday is indeed fun, went out with a fellow, two people in a world -direct translate-
Funny part is which it took us whole day and night to decide where to go because both of us are super indecisive haha!
After that day is a disaster, I got terrible headache and it feels like my brain is going to explode soon.
I might write about last week in another post!
For that one fellow who is going to face examination soon, wish you good luck!!!
For the one that taking result soon, may force be with us!!!
It is late now so I should ciao, have a great night!

Today story of my life #11

Yo bruh!
Today's weather is damn hot right?!
My gosh, my body is melting D:

(help~)

Okay back to the business now, update whatever happened today @@
Early morning, I went for jogging with my father around 7.10a.m. and back at 8.00a.m. 
After that, I went to my old secondary school to take my cert.
School has some changes, the wall looked nicer than last time, more artistic feels~
Yet the pool is still empty, throwback when the whole chinese society cleaned the pool and there are a lot of tadpoles during the cleaning.
I still remember which I put them in a bottle and raised them, they are all black in colour, so cute!!!
Sadly they all died because I dunno what to feed them TT...

I asked most of them whether they are free to take the cert, too bad only CCG available @@
I thought can have a yamcha section since is CNY but never mind, wrong timing ish ish.
Then, I followed my father to the bank to settle his stuff and around 10.30a.m. I reached home.
Awhile then father asked me to drive to Bandar Sri Damansara to visit relatives.
On the way to there, shit almost happen LOL.
(I didn't drive for like few months or more and now asked me to drive so far, thanks god nothing happen TT) 
There are a lot of cross roads, roundabouts and up-down bridges.
(I cannot D:)
The live GPS (my father)  sometime also confused me = =.
Just now there is Y-shaped road in front, my father told me to stay on the right lane but asked me to go straight.
There is a car beside me also stayed on the wrong lane, she wished to turn right and she didn't saw me signaling to the left.
Almost crash but I bet she didn't know because she didn't notice me LOL...

 

Lucky I was able to stop in time if not I will beheaded D:
(bro's car no play play, we didn't asked him before using)
Really need to take full attention on the road and be wise, thanks god T^T nothing happen~
Not good to drive at unfamiliar place without GPS, dunno which lane should I stick to.
So throughout the road trip it was unpleasant :3
Around noon, we reached their house, if not mistaken is my grandfather's brother.
When I first saw him, my heart ache for a bit.
I saw his face has more wrinkles compared to last year, his standing posture and walking indicated his body is weak...
Although we only see each other once a year, the feeling of sad is real...
Time goes by so quickly that sometime I can't comprehend it.
We are growing day by day and they are aging day by day...
Sometime I do wish that we can stop the time, enjoy the moment right now but it is useless thoughts anyway, it involves breaking the law of physics etc @@
Oh yeah and they didn't celebrate CNY because of his wife which is their grandmother passed away few months ago...
I dunno if it is appropriate to visit them because Chinese's tradition mentioned that if one has passed away less than a year, they should not celebrate any festival...
When my father chatted with them, I can see they are not really in a mood to celebrate CNY @@
We didn't stay long at their house, I just wish everything will be back great for them in the future.
On our way home, another shitty stuff happened.
I really hate the road at there, too much of up bridges and keep go round round, signboards aren't helping at all and I was too stupid for not using GPS ish!
One wrong turn straight to "holan" :<
But lucky there were no much car that time, can stop by and quickly use GPS.
Too bad wasted RM2.50 for the tol.
Then few minutes ride, my mom suddenly got dizzy and wanted vomit.
So quickly stopped at the road side for couple of times @@
If she vomited in the car, bye world I will not be seen anymore... 
She said that I drove horribly.
What?! Did I really that bad in driving @@?!
I fetched my classmates before they said I was a good driver!
T^T lies everywhere~
But I wondered it is she ate too much of fruits since yesterday, because her stuff all fruits...
(TT cannot be my driving skill is it?!)
Oh another fact, my mom felt dizzy so she opened the window behind the car.
I can't believe that will hurt your ears slightly due to some pressure?
It feels like you were in a plane and the pilot suddenly drove the plane downward quickly.
Yeah that feelings...
The sound like helicopter too :3
Anyway I hate that, open window while driving bad and is freaky hot, all the hot air enter...
Can't believe so many shit shit happened in one day...
Hopefully everything will be alright and nothing more happen!
That's all for today, ciao~ 

As quick as a drop of a hat, just like the rain come and go~

HELLO PEA~PLE!
Yeah that's right pea~ple, I am talking to you!
(Ps: I just like how the word PEA fits with -PLE)
Okay! No joke anymore, pardon me for being crazy for a moment!
A quick update!
or to be precise, to rant silly stuff :3

Ehem!
Just finished my job and damn, heavy rain poured down right after I stepped out of my office.
There is something I don't understand what's going on!
WHY THE RAIN ALWAYS POUR DOWN WHEN I STEP OUT OF ANYWHERE?!
No kidding, not once, not twice and not thrice but many many many time!!!
IS THIS SOME KIND OF PRANK OR WHAT?
MAYBE SOMEONE IS PLAYING WATER EVERY TIME I COME OUT?
At first I thought it was coincidence but after many times?
THIS A JOKE!
There's the time when I got out of office, right after I left office, HEAVY RAIN POURING DOWN --- BRUUUUAHHHHHH!!!
(= = the sound effect) 
I got no choice but to wait until it got less heavier.
When the rain getting smaller, I went to nearby restaurant for dinner.
At that moment the rain slowly stop, so I thought I wanted to go other place, more further away from office to eat.
BUT DAMN THE HEAVY RAIN STARTED AGAIN!
WHAT IS THIS?!
So I got no choice x2 but to eat at there, just when I entered the restaurant, it stopped!
AND GUESS WHAT?
Right after I finished my dinner and prepared to move out, IT RAIN AGAIN!!!
DAMN! AM I CURSED OR WHAT?!
WHAT KARMA IS THIS?!
(lol sorry for using so many cap lock XD but this not making any sense to me)

Okay, that is the first one and for the next one is about my job.
Damn for the past two days are just chaos in office.
Most of us busy like a group of ants preparing foods for winter!
Just when I thought there is no job in office because we all submitted most of the projects but the work continue piling up again!
Our client suddenly asked to change a picture from the booklet.
(Ohh change one illust, it will be easy. I guess this is what most of them think but HA they are so wrong about that!)
It is not just one miserable illust that have to change but the whole world that consist of around 30 languages.
Man, plus the picture changes are so minute and unnoticeable.
Huhu, why would they want to change this, change that at last minute and make our life so troublesome D:
I understand that they want perfect but not last minute bruhh TT
(I AM TIRED!!!)
It is so sad that two of my colleagues have left the office and the workforce getting lesser and lesser :( 

OKAY I THINK THAT'S ALL FOR MY RANTING SECTION!
I got no time to waste, have to prepare for my admission test on this coming Saturday, which is left 2 more days @@
(I am screwed!!!)
Ciao!!!