The game is on!

Oh ma god.
To be honest, I didn't expect time tik tok so fast!
It is freaky end of the August and I have to enter local university on 2 September.
Holy shiet D:
I am so nervous because I have been slacked for like around 4 months?
Watching TV and playing games for the past 4 months without touching any academic related books.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh plus I have to stay at the university's campus for the first semester.
Imagining it makes me scare!!!
How am I going to survive without my husband (my bed)!
Furthermore, I have to share toilet with a bunch of people.
Oh no don't get me wrong, it is just that I don't like sharing = =
Where is the privacy?!
What if there is no freaky TV or Wi-Fi, how?!
Huhu everyone says university life is awesome and fun.
I hope I will feel the same.
But I am also excited for the activities hahah.
I heard there can learn how to ride a horse.
I guess I am going to gain a new hobby?
I want to play as much activities as I can!!!
LOL if only my time allowed me to do so XD
It seems that I am the only Chinese in the class.
Back to old secondary school time, when majority of the students are Muslim.
Slightly scare what if they gang up and avoid me like those Malaysian drama LOL?
I really should reduce my drama dose, think too much.

Anyways, it is a new start.
Things that I want to change are:
I have to be alert, attentive and productive.
I should learn what lecturers and tutors have taught.
I have to work hard and study smart so that I could get scholarship to pay off the debts.
I have to be more confident so that I can score well in public speaking.
LOL I dunno if it will work if I wrote it here but just do it anyways!
To the future me, yes you can do it.
Just believe in yourself.
Be the best!
Ciao~

Rambling

The night is still young.

Argh, I shouldn't have take a nap during the evening.

I never take a nap, I hate nap because headache arise after nap.

However, I still took it just now.

Total regret, stupid me ==

I am damn wide awake now thanks to that.

Outside is freaky windy now.

It is chilly, I love how quiet it is.

So tranquil.

But I hate the fact that the haze is likely coming soon.

I keep smelling hazy smell, I hate that so much.

Suffocating smell.

Plus the weather is really hot for the whole week.

I am sweating.

It makes me doesn't want to do anything at all.

As a heat intolerance person, this is consider torture...

Though there is no rain at my housing area, I know some area did rain the past few days.

Is this housing area is being curse or what?

Because the weather always incongruent with other area.

When other area is raining, my place doesn't rain.

But when other area is sunny day, my place will be having thunderstorm.

Just like how last year, I am fighting through thunderstorm when going to school.

Almost wet my whole uniform while entering the car, but when I left the house to school.

The place is dry as a desert :3

Weird weather.

Anyhow, I just hate hot weather.

I can't stand the heat.

What am I going on with the weather right now, is not like people will care about it anyways.

Okay, what have I been doing recently?

Simple two words: Soul searching.

I have been doing everything and anything to find what will make me happy.

But one thing for sure is that I kinda dislike checking message.

I just don't see the point of checking my message.

What's the point of spending time in front of a screen?

It is so hard to know or guess what's going on with the person on the screen.

You don't know if she/he is really happy or having trouble in life.

You don't know if she/he is telling the truth or faking it.

You just don't know all about that because it is just bloody screen with texts.

Unless you read about how to analyse texts, then it will be perfect.

But no, I am no expert.

I am kinda tired of guessing what is on the other side's mind.

Really prefer to have people in real life, not some kind of texting.

This feel wrong, I feel wrong.

People is evolving but I guess I am not, because I refuse to.

Is it too dumb to have such thought?

I used to be the little one in my family, I have brothers but no older sister.

One day, I acknowledged someone that is older than me a year.

We became classmate.

To be honest, I like having an older sister.

She taught some life lessons or hacks that I didn't know.

Though it should be mother's job but nahhh.

She never give up on anything.

It is weird that most of the class hated her.

Is it because she is older than us?

I never understand them.

Having hatred behind each other back.

I even wonder if they ever hate me behind my back too?

But is not like I care anyways, just curious.

So we spent most of the time study together.

She always cook lunch/dinner for me if I stayed up too late.

I feel bad for having free lunch/dinner.

Even though I tried to pay back, she never accept it.

It is a simply dish she said, but to me it is really delicious, it feels like home.

However, all those only last for a year.

After that, everyone move on to their own path, she too.

I really wish to spend time with her again but thing has changed.

She has someone else with her now, her beloved boyfriend.

I guess I am no longer in the picture now isn't it?

She is so busy with her life, so I said to ring me if she is free.

However, I guess that is the end of it since there is no more message from her anymore.

I saw her last week at the school, I didn't expect she came to school the same as I did.

Such coincidence.

She is close yet still far away.

Feel slightly disappointed that everything might end just like that.

This is why I hate having strong attachment with someone.

It will never end well if both parties no longer together in the same page or there is a third person.

No matter how, it will just end like that.

Okay, speaking of doing everything and anything.

I freaking love watching movies/TV-series.

I never know it is so much fun in it.

Last time, I used all my time with tuition and extracurriculum.

I seldom watch movies/TV-series much, not until recently.

I have tons of time to spend!

I just couldn't get enough of those with Tim Roth's or Benedict Cumberbatch's movie/TV-series.

I will never forget the Kingsman too!

They are just too crazy, it is just an act but still I love it!!!

Currently addicted to Sherlock Holmes season 4, tomorrow I will be finishing the last episode.

I finally understand why Farhana (my ex-classmate) was so freaky excited about Sherlock that time.

Haha I feel her finally XD

However, I just don't understand why they love to cancel those good shows.

All the shows I love mostly cancelled huhu...

Such as 'Lie to me' and 'Deception' and so much more!

Sad...

Just finish Infinity War and damn the ending was like what the fuck, cliff hanger.

I saw a korean drama seems good to watch, called 'A Korean Odyssey'.

Fantasy, romance and a bit mixed up with Sun Wukong's story.

Just watched second episode on TV, seems cool so maybe should try to watch it next.

Other than watching TV-series/movies.

I love freaky cliche 13 years old girl romance story in Wattpad.

Hate to admit it but yes, I damn love it!

Oh gosh, what have I done when I am at 13 years old!

Where is the fun huh?!

Dude, 13 years old of me really doesn't have any fun don't I?

As in cliche, I mean really really cliche.

Just finished a trilogy of Mafia story last few weeks, the first and second book are freaky awesome.

But I am so so so disappointed with the ending huhu.

It feels like the author ended it quickly and the ending has too much gap and missing details.

Well, it is indeed a good trilogy but sadly has a disappointing ending.

But thanks for giving me a wonderful roller coaster ride for the past few months.

Indeed my life is spiced up because of that.

Currently reading a book that is given by my friend named <Far from you> by Tess Sharpe.

It is a thriller and mystery book.

Summary:

....

Nine months. Two weeks. Six days. 

That's how long recovering addict Sophie's been drug-free. Four months ago her best friend Mina died in what everyone believes was a drug deal gone wrong - a deal they think Sophie set up. Only Sophie knows the truth. She and Mina shared a secret, but there was no drug deal. Mina was deliberately murdered.

Forced into rehab for a drug addiction she'd already beaten, Sophie's finally out and on the trail of the killer. But can she track them down before they come for her?

...

This is actually a good book.

Reading half way still trying to know what happen and who is the killer that killed Mina.

But it is hard to continue reading because everyone including Sophie's parents believed that it is hers fault.

Because they thought she want to get drug but the drug deal went wrong, caused Mina's death.

However, Sophie is clean as a whistle.

I hate being in a situation where you are clean but people accused you for something that you never did.

I still want to know who is the killer!

Moreover, I actually did some piano practice too but recently I stopped for a moment.

I downloaded an app to help me with piano basic, maybe it is too hard for me to catch up.

So I leave it awhile, taking some rest.

I stopped my Japanese/French learning for weeks now.

Too hard to catch up, too much to remember.

But I still want to learn it though...
Been trying to figure out what happen to my laptop's battery too.
It is draining freaky fast without doing anything.
Sooner or later might fix it maybe...

Well, I spent most of the time myself, is it even healthy @@?

I am bored at home but I got no where to go too.

Actually even staying up late night is consider unhealthy.

My face is full of pimples now because of weird sleeping habit.
Ouch, it is 5 now and I guess I have been rambling too much.

See you next time!

Ciao~

Sleep journal #1

Woke up on a soft bed.

Strangely, it is so comfortable.

It is the queen-sized bed that I used to sleep back in old house.

I am back to old house.

The sky was dark but my room was illuminate by cyan light.

Soft and calm.

It gives off peaceful and familiar feeling.

Funny...

Having a tough time to sleep in my conscious state and now in a the dream too?

Without thinking, I went out from the room and headed outside of my house.

Everything still look the same!

The indents of the floor that I used to trip over them!

The staircases that full of holes making them hard to walk through...  

The sun was yet to rise so the sky was still freaky dark.

The good old fluorescent light that never light up still being the same.

What the use of that light if it never does it job!

After reminisced all of that, I headed down.

Well, it is not a lucid dream so basically I just follow/watch the whole scene.

Then, I reached to the lowest floor.

I was greeted by a lot of kids that I used to play with when I were young.

We used to play chasing games, throwing balls at each other, jumping through obstacles...

Oh oh! I will never forget about how we got a fallen door, sat on them and slid down from 4th floor to 3rd floor.

I remembered it is damn scary, hurt my hand and my butt that time but it was best thing I ever done!

However, the kids that I used to play were now grown up, they were not kids anymore.

It was weird to see them so still so small and cute.

Plus, isn't now midnight?

Why everyone was still playing here?!

Next, I dunno why but I knocked on someone house.

Wasn't it weird to knock someone's house in the middle of the night?

That house if not mistaken, it was my ex-classmate's house, Afiqah's.

Surprisingly, they opened.

They were sleeping at the living room.

But they were not Afiqah's family.

They were Nabila's, my ex-classmate too.

Weird @@

Somehow, I walked into their house in midnight.

Awkward...

There was a long awkward silent.

I just sat inside their room and chill.

After some time, I faced Nabila and she said something that made me unsettled for awhile...

"Next time don't ever come to me and seek comfort from me."

Then I woke up @@

The timeline is almost the same as in the dream.

The sky outside is dark blue just like in the dream.

It feels like I am in a parallel space for a moment.

I didn't know that I will seek comfort from her though...

But I didn't expect she will say that...

The feeling of being rejected by others really hurt me.

Maybe I deserve it because I used to complain a lot about her last time?

But even though I complain, I will still support her a bit.

Guilt?

What a weird dream.

It feels nostalgic yet confuse @@

Ohh :(

Hello folks~
Well, the result is up.
The result out at 12p.m. but I waited until 12.30p.m. then check, because I was not ready...
First, I searched up the website but the server down...
Then I used some old fashion way which is SMS.
It works every time during the server down.
However, no reply as well.
So I end up searching one my local university website.

MAKLUMAN

SEMAKAN TAWARAN bagi IJAZAH boleh dibuat mulai 02/08/2018 04:00 PM hingga 02/09/2018 11:55 PM

Damn 2 August?
Next local university website!
I typed in my IC number and boom!

Dukacita, permohonan anda tidak berjaya.

Damn I was like dafuq?!
Not even 1 course out of 5?
I literally cried ;_;
Then I almost gave up.
After that, someone called me.
I left my phone at living room but I didn't expect my dad went and picked it up.
Argh! 
It is from Water and I got zero mood in talking with anyone so basically I gave him a halfheartedly response.
He got it and ended the call...
My bad, I really suck at controlling my emotion sometime.
So after that half hours, SMS got something.
"Tahniah, anda berjaya ditawarkan program PG32 di UPM. Layari laman web UA berkaitan untuk surat tawaran."
Okay...?
Quickly searched up what is PG32 :3 
However, I am slightly disappointed for not getting my first choice, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine.
Instead of getting that, I got my 7th choice which is Bachelor of Animal Science...
Well, I totally jinx myself by saying that I will definitely got the 7th choice.
Here I am with an offer of that course :3
Damn, intuition sometime can be a bitch too.
What's now?
Hmm... 
I am kinda clueless about the course I am getting...
First, I was like okay? 
At least got a course right? 
Should be happy!
Parents said hey got an offer, just do your best if you think this is what you want.
However, my dad's family side kinda disapprove of doing animal husbandry course.
No future prospect it seems. 
Still considering until just now...
The more I tried to understand about the course, the more I feel sick about it...
Why you ask?
Here's the reason:
You will be learning how to handle animals such as chickens, cows, goats, pigs and much more.
How you will take care them, make sure their hygiene and their nutrition. 
Okay sound interesting...
You will learn how to milk the cow.
Okay sound fun...
Then one part where you will how to slaughter them for livestock.
OH NO!
I totally missed out this part when I selected this.
You see, the purpose I am choosing Veterinary because I want to save them.
But right now, I am going to learn how to feed them, take care of them.
Let them become fat and juicy.
Lastly slaughter them!?
Because we human eat those to survive.
OH NO!
Sound so sick to me!
I don't think I can do this...
It is not that I am scare of blood or anything else.
The point is where you took care of them and gave them hope that life is great.
Then lastly scarified them?!
No this is wrong in many ways.
After eating chickens and lambs for like 20 years, I just realized how cruel is it?
Shame on me!
I am slightly headache @@
What should I do next?!
I am slightly panic but not much yet!
Dude, I am trying hard to find out all the details about Animal Science in UPM :3
Damn, they never update the details.
What's now?!
Two choices:
First, I accept the offer, finish this course and see if I can switch my major in Master.
Or to wait for another year and reapply for Veterinary Medicine.
But that I will waste damn hell lot of time and what if I am not capable of doing Medicine?
This is a lot to think...
Oh boi, il mio futuro.