Second time...

Okay this is the second time already...

While waiting and waiting for you but you never replied...

I keep telling myself that maybe you are bathing or eating, keep telling myself over and over again.

But there is always an inner voice of another self that keep telling me 'your boy is talking to her, you have been forgotten, girl'.

The thing is I don't care if you do or don't talk to her, what make me real angry and sad is that you could have let me know that you need time off to talk with someone else you comfortable with so you will be unavailable at the moment.

Instead of doing that, you blankly ignore me despite I know damn well you can see I have sent in multiple messages at different time,

You let me wait and worry about you for nothing then just to realize you are talking to her?!

The first time when you told me that you have finished your business but forgotten to un-mute yourself from the call because you were talking to her.

Although you talked with her for 10 mins, well that 10 mins I could have done something else...

I waited for an hour to find out that after you finished your business you were not return at me first but at her.

I was jealous of course at first but I am still cool with it, but now I am not, I am hurt and angry and sad!
I don't want to be like a jealous bitch because of that, so I was okay with it for the first time.

But for second time I am really pissed and hurt!

I was out for like 8 mins when you asked for help, I quickly reply you once I am finished my bath.

There isn't a reply so okay, I thought to myself, maybe you were busy cooking or something else...

After half an hour goes by, I sent in message and nothing...

Another 10 minutes, nothing again...

Then when I confirmed my guess is correct, arghh fuck I just can't take this anymore!
I just need a cool off and fresh air.

You know there is once, I even have a nightmare about her taking away you from me.
Afternoon nap is a bitch because it always shows my subconscious fear of mine.
That is why I detest afternoon nap, but I am shocked to get that kind of nightmare
I never dream about losing someone else but this time I got shocked and woke up from it.
Damn, where is my usual self, the one that is carefree and chill person?

I always set you as my priority but then I wonder, what or who is your priority?
I want to be the one that can help you with inside and also outside, not just from sexual side you know?
Right now I don't even know about that, to be blunt and harsh word, maybe I am just a toy to you.
That is all I can feel right now.

And damn why is everyone likes to disturb me while I am in such bad shape?!
Tell me why huh?!
Why are you keep spamming me?!
Why are you keep calling me?!
Why are you keep knocking my door?!
And thank you bro for bothering me with your sad stories and the beer!
Let me finish this bloody beer, I am so pissed because people keep bothering me when I need silence!

Oh "good news" tomorrow morning have to head to hometown, good timing~
No more internet I shall say...
Argh!