Inner thought #4

Oh boii, I can't describe how happy or feeling touched I am now (this whole essay will be explaining why I feel on cloud nine)
Seriously, I have been through shit days for the past few weeks, it was my second darkest weeks by far (the first darkest will be during after SPM period)
Everything was shit but don't worry nothing big thing happened.
It is just that events or plans always went wrong or didn't turn up what I was planned earlier.
First of all, I was planning to bring my friend to eat that day but ended up the car is used by my bro.
I thought I can go out and have a great time with my friends at popular book fair but ended up I only got to talk with them during the lunch time which is only an hour.
In school is even more worsen compared to that.
There are a lot of sohai or I can say fucker in my school.
I mean seriously, do you have to behave like this?
Running down on people, insulting people, talking nonsense, acting like you are a genius?
Come, let me tell you something.
Fuck you, go back to your house and suck your dick, oh wait sorry maybe you don't have a dick?
Oh boii, I never actually feel so annoyed by someone like this, he totally reached my threshold level (biology pun)
Another person also the same, I mean argh I have tried hard to help you to get over all the shit you are having right now.
But you have to help yourself too am I right?
Damn, do you want to know that everyone hates the facts that you are being emo or depress for one thing so often, it is very annoying and sometime you just spoiled the mood.
Is time to get over it, you don't have to magnify your problems, help yourself.
But don't worry, I am very good in tolerance such sohai acts of you all, it is good that I haven't slap or hit you in the face or your 'second brain' (be grateful for that)
However, it is funny that right here I am telling everyone to get over it and stop being emo or sohai.
Irony is that myself is also the same, well I will try to stand in your shoes to understand how you feel.
With that I will say sorry if it is very hurtful to you.
Because the past few days I was feeling so empty, I shed my tear in any moment, I was insecure, I felt myself very useless and etc (which I think it might be very common)
But I just don't know what has caused me to be in such situation, I just lost my positiveness suddenly (ops sorry I should use 'misplaced' my positiveness)
I feel like the world has nothing more, is pointless to live on, because I don't feel anything is worth to fight for, I don't even know what I really like or want to do next (but ha I strongly believe that suicide is not the best choice as well)
Other than that, I also got jealous sometime as people can really do well in every aspects, having very good appearance, having confident in themselves and last but not least everyone likes them.
I don't get it really, why am I so childish to even jealous on such stupid stuff... 
I also feel like I am running out of time, I think I might lose someone or something I dear so much, my parents are getting older and weaker day by day and I don't really spend my time with them very often, I am really scare that I will regret what I have done or haven't done...
I am worried for myself as well because my body don't really feel good, having chest pain for like months on and off, having difficulty breathing too, I want to check up but I don't really have time to go to hospital, I really hope it is just false signal and maybe I think too much. 
I am having big big stress as my parents really hope me to score very well, saying all those which I really don't like to hear, they are making me more fucked up really but I don't wish to disappoint them.
It feels like I have to choose either study or fun life...
Maybe all these shit explained why I was hiding, staying away from any connection I have.
I feel really depress, I feel like I am very 'noob', very shitty person, ugly piece of shit.
I have someone to talk to, is not that I don't have, is just that I don't want to keep complaining about small shitty stuff in front of her.
It is very annoying if I do it so, hence I ended up hiding away from everyone I know.
Sorry if really troubles everyone of you all...
It is weird, I mean I don't know if these shit that lead me to such situation?
Well fuck it, today I finally opened my eyes.
There is someone, the biatch I dear so much <3
I am so happy you came today to surprise me.
Although maybe for you is nothing or as you said, you scare you have disturbed me.
Well I am here to say NO, you do so great...
You helped me feel lively again, you really came at the moment when I feeling so dark and helpless.
Thanks seriously, I am grateful that I have such awesome biatch XD