It is killing me...

People always say

Sharing is caring

But they didn't know

Ignoring is killing

I had enough of these things.

I can't take the silent anymore.

I am not the kind of person that can handle these kind of shit.

I just want to have a chat time with you but it always turn up with a blue tick with no reply.

It's not the first time but it is numberless until I can't even remember.

Actually I wanted to give up with these stupid job and stop sending message long time ago,

but thought running away without knowing any clue is kind of wrong,

and it won't solve any questions of mine too.

But now it is over the crest of my limit,

gloominess engulf me every night and my cheek always soaked with tears and that's it!

I know the fact that I am such a stupid person,

keep worrying some one that she didn't even care about it,

maybe she didn't even thought of me either...

I get so piss off every time because I am so angry.

I worry you so much but you are acting so coldly to me.

I want to understand you more but you are rejecting me.

You show that you are so lonely and pity in your real life in the blog I always follow,

but you didn't even know that!

There is someone stupid person who always keep worrying about you...

Yah maybe in you mind will be thinking,

Who call you to worry me? 

If you insist of keep silent like this,

I will just back off,

I will just stay away from you,

because it seem that I am not qualify enough to be with you.

So bye...

Anger

What's up word~ ( Not sup is up kayy )

Today,

I didn't finish up those tasks that teacher gave.

I got so stress up and sad as other people had finished it.

I end up angry and blame other people.

I am such a bad-tempered girl huh :/

I want to cure it but can anyone tell me what's the way?

It happens many time during discussing time.

I am so angry when I am explaining about it but some one doesn't even listen what I am saying,

then in the end they don't want finish it or ask me once again.

Afterward,

we have to waste some time to explain once again.

Anyway today,

I have some responsible too, :/

I want to make sure everyone understand it,

so I asked them many time until they really understand it,

we waste much time at that.

Yet,

Sometime I just want some respect. ( Or I want respect by others everytime lol, damn I am such a sohai )

I am impress to those teachers I know.

Actually I want to ask how they managed to calm themselves down when students didn't even focus or listening them.

Won't they get stress up?

How they cope with it? ( Jeez answers please )

Lastly,

I feel so sorry if I had said something bad ( I know sorry doesn't mean anything but nah I don't care at all )

Anyway,

imma want everything perfect until end up being so mean :/

sorry :3

End...

"Small gas"

Hi blogger~ ( maybe there is not one here o.o )
Anyway once again it been awhile I away from this,
can I say I never good in any of this blogger stuff...

Today, hmm how to say huh?
It been another day I being down or can I say being rude?
I ignored my friends today and left the school.
I being so angry today,
it not I very "small gas", maybe a little bit o.o
but it just every thought came across my mind out of the blue,
and I thought why they had to do like this ==
I haven't done writing it and they busy body there taking photo.
I just wanted to finish it up so that I no need to do it on Monday.
When I wanted to finish a thing I really mean it and I don't really like to delay.
I also told everyone that one page for 3 wishes as there is insufficient of paper,
yet still have some people who made mistakes...
And today morning man this pissed me off,
during "kolam" competition,
team beside us took ours rice.
What the hell man o.o
Won't you prepared well huh?
anyway we finish our kolam so...
fine.

Somehow,
today we have a photo shot.
I am looking forward actually,
but my friend can't make it.
It is last year of us to be together,
I wanted to keep it as memories,
but you can't make it then it ok...
I can't force you to come also lol.
It kind of sad but I can't do anything.
Next time...

Sometime I just can't hold my angry.
I just can't...
I also dunno how to express my feeling.
I am sad, angry, not satisfy or anything.
I dunno to spell it out.
I might keep it inside,
until someone step it.
Then you will see the bad side of me...

I guess I should calm myself down.

End

- no title-

What am I to you?

Am I a burden or a very annoying person to you?

I feel this way because it been awhile I didn't chat with you.

It's not that I don't want to talk with you,

it just I feel that I had annoyed you somehow.

The way you reply, react...

The "so" word hurt me sometime.

It made me feel that I have fail,

fail to find a topic to chat or entertain you.

For me being a friend,

entertain friends is one of the things that friend should do.

I know I ain't fun like the others,

and I know I not knowing you too well,

but I tried so hard,

trying to know more about you,

trying to find any way to keep our relationship on,

so that our relationship won't be grim.

If our relationship end,

who do I talk with when I feel something is wrong with me?

Recently,

my feeling to my tuition sir getting stronger and stronger.

It feel like ain't just admire him.

I not know myself either.

Shit I know this is crazy,

but I don't know what is wrong with me ==

I sometime feel so sad if he didn't notice me.

I sometime even feel jealous if he praise other students.

( Arhh what am I thinking )

I guess I started gone crazy.

Maybe I don't have you I might just gone even more crazy...

For me,

you mean so much to me.

Maybe,

you don't think the same way I did,

but i still happy to meet you.

(  i know this is so crazy and embarrassing but I just can't hide it anymore )

End...

( Hey don't misunderstanding, I am not a lesbian haha. )

Lost

I am lost.

Can anyone direct me to the right path?

Who is willing to help me out?

Recent night,

There's lots of feelings in my heart,

lots of thought in my mind.

I felt lonely, sad, depressed...

I feel like I am going to lose everything.

Confident.

SPM is on this November.

I am so scare.

I don't even know I can score in SPM.

I am not sure whether I can achieve my ambition.

Everyone were asking about what I am gonna do after SPM,

I had told everyone I wanted to be a doctor.

Yet, I feel like I am just "cakap besar".

Now, I can't even solve a common additional mathematics questions.

My mind can't move.

I can't even focus during the class.

I can't understand what teachers saying too.

I feel so blur during the class.

Friends.

Am I doing somethings wrong recently?

Or I am the one who think too much?

Every time chatting with friends.

I am the one who keep talking.

I feel so stupid.

I seem so annoying.

I keep finding topic so that I could chat more with friends.

Yet, I guess I am wrong.

Message I had sent.

Seen but no reply.

It feel like a knife stabbed in the heart deeply.

Whenever I feel so sad,

I wanted to express my feelings but I don't know how to say it out.

Even thought I say,

no one could understand what I am talking about.

Family

I don't even know how to start.

Every day they just quarrel.

Since that days happen,

My family is broken.

I can't find my lovely parents anymore.

The day I admitted to hospital.

I feel my life become more peaceful than usual.

I know I had make them worried.

But, they both together taking care of me without any quarrel.

How great is that.

Recently, my thyroid is getting well.

They started to quarrel again.

Getting worst and worst everyday.

Sometime, I even thought that one day they might divorce.

Then, I have to choose which I wanted to stay with.

I am so terrified.

I don't even want them to divorce.

I want to stay with them together and forever.

Every night I feel so scare,

I am scare I will lose everything.

I hate it so much!

I don't like the nights!

Tough Day

Oh my god...
Today is a tough day.
So many things had happen this whole day.
There are watermelon here, pear there, durian and so much more ( Eii what with the fruit all come here LOL )
Stop nonsense haha get to the point.

Today is the first day of school reopen.
I am so excited because I can come to school to meet my sohai friends haha.
Early in the morning I come to school, first thing in my mind is WOW so many people here.
I will surprise that it is because last year after the exam there were not much of student coming to school.
Then today suddenly so many people come shocked. :D
Haha today must be a great new start for this year.

Unfortunately today everything is not going well as I planned.
I thought I would get to sit at middle place in the class as usual.
Yet, my place this year is beside near the window.
Ohh so damn sad as there is very hot.
There is no wind pass by, oh my god I gonna faint.
Some more behind the class, far from my friends.
Huhu pathetic TT.
Never mind only for one last year.

Moreover, time to choose monitor class and other all.
Haha actually I am quite pleased when class monitor choose me as his assistance.
At first I thought he would choose other people than me,
but surprisingly he choose me @@
I know not much of people like to take part of this kind of things.
Yet, I like it.
Maybe last year I also as assistance of class monitor,
so I have used to it hehe.
Since I as assistance of class monitor,
I get to go camping, get to go dinners and much more.
It is fantastic :D

Then bla bla bla all about the subject, there is nothing to describe here.
As usual it quite boring :3
OK! now recess time.
One thing that bother me a lot is.
The nasi lemak!!!
Gosh it getting worst and worst. ==
The rice is so less, sambal too.
Summary all it in one sentences,
Everything all getting lesser and lesser.

After recess once again with the boring class :D
Quite dying because every subject have to buy a exercise book.
@@ You know I have no money at all.
Some more call me to buy the exercise book.
It been a long time I didn't ask for money from my parents :3
Dunno what reason I didn't ask from them.
Maybe don't want to bother them @@?
Ahh change topic!

Yeah it about time to finish class and dismiss :D
Hoho I am thinking of my clash of clan and otome game ( dating sim game ).
Thinking of finish all my otome game and coc after school.
I waste no time rush back home haha!!!
Yet, troubles won't stop coming.

== My neighbor little girl got locked outside her house.
She wanted to go in her house but it is locked.
Man I can't just went in my house like that right? :3
So I ask her what can I help?
Then she take lots of things try to unlock her gate.
I also finding some idea how to solve her problem as she have to change her clothes and go to school.
I told her you may call for your family?
I lend her my father's phone.
Wow quite scare you know :3 because he is so scary.
She call for her parents but no one answer it.
Ash! What lak call didn't answer better don't use phone. ==
Then I realize that I am wasting my time outside accompany her.
My otome game and coc is waiting for me TT huhu

Then I told her that I wanted to go in my house.
Yet, she gave me that face Oh please accompany me.
So I wasted my golden time outside with her.
Then she told me there is a key near the door there.
So I help her out to push the door but she can't reach it.
After that we switch position then I finally get her house key. ==
Dunno why she didn't told me earlier that she got a key near the door there. :3

After waste a lot of time with her outside,
I have to prepare to tuition as usual. :3
Troubles come again.
Ahh this time I get angry.
Every time no tuition but didn't or late inform.
Every time I come to tuition then notice there is no class for today.
I don't want to call my father to fetch me,
because he just drop me to tuition then awhile call him fetch me back.
Where can @@?
Confirm he will get angry.
So no choice I have to wait to 8pm after he done watch finish his show then I call for him.

Today I waste a lot of my time ahh!
This indeed a tough day!
These are what I going through for today.
Waste so many time TT
Clash of clan!!! Otome game!!!


Hoho finally renew my blog yeah :D
End XD